|Any resemblance between this article and the events of a night-out with some Gulf Air friends in 1996 is purely co-incidental!|
It's 11:00 pm in Henry's, and your friends buy you another drink. Your friends who aren't flying tomorrow. You get up to leave, but then you say to yourself, "As long as I get seven hours sleep I'll be fine."
It's midnight, and you're arguing that Mavis should leave Derek in Coronation Street. Right about then a little devil appears on your shoulder, and you look at your watch and think to yourself, "It's still early and we're having a laugh, besides as long as I get five hours sleep I'm fine."
It's 1:00 am, and you've switched from halves of lager to halves of tequila. You're arguing that Mavis should stick by Derek. You look around and spot a pilot you told to go parachuting without a parachute on the last block and think, "That's the hottest Captain in Gulf Air". On the way to the Ladies you give the American sailor at the end of the bar a big kiss because you love his accent. You and your friends all agree to marry Nicky Byrne of Westlife, use his money to buy an airline, and be BFF. You notice that the devil is a bit bigger than he was .... and he's buying. You start to leave, but then squint at your watch and say to yourself, "As long as I get three hours' sleep - and a complete change of blood .... I'm fine."
It's 3:00 am in TC's, and the devil is bartending. You decide to leave Derek. Ten Arabs - all Managing Directors - have given you their Business Cards and told you "You are the most beautiful girl in the world ... I love you ... Call me on my mobile tomorrow ... Of course I'm not married!". For last orders, you get a bottle of Vodka and a Diet Coke. On the way to the Ladies you elbow the American sailor at the end of the bar because you hate his accent. An Arab in a thobe makes an offer that you refuse, but you check that he has an erection so it counts. You finally stagger outside. Someone says he knows an all-night Hotel Bar in the Souk, you tell yourself, "Well, since I'm up this late, I might as well stay up all night"
It's 5:00 am in the Aradous and you see the Captain arriving with a Filipino girl in each hand. You've spent an hour trying to drink 25 pints of Heineken to get a free Polo shirt and have just discovered that Mohammed ("But WHICH Mohammed!!") wrote his mobile number in large indelible letters on the front of your white top. The bar is full of dubious characters who have apparently never seen a white girl before and are having a staring competition. This is the kind of bar that even the devil wouldn't touch ("Sorry, lunch date with Hitler"). You're now drinking a thick blue liquid that looks like something from a Romulan wedding reception. One of your friends stands up and screams, "Let's drive to Saudi!", then passes out. As you're half carried out of the bar by the Captain, you say to yourself, "As long as I get twenty-four hours' sleep tomorrow .... I'll be fine."
It's 9:00 am at the Captain's house. You are woken by a woman upstairs screaming in Arabic. You are lying on an extravagantly decorated Moroccan sofa, with a cricked neck and a raging thirst. You spot an Aqua Cool and manage to drag yourself to it, drinking a quart of water straight from the tap, washing down four Panadol always kept handy in your purse.
You decide to leave as the Captain's wife
sounds rather unhappy. You eventually find your panties behind a cushion. You stagger outside,
it's already over 30C and the sun fries your eyes. As you try
to hail a taxi, passers-by wonder "Who's Mohammed?". This is when you utter the Gulf Air Girls motto "I SWEAR THAT I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN", and some girls even add: "...and
this time, I really mean it!!!"
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Copyright (c) 1999, Annie Richards
Last updated: 6 June 2002