The Sexual Orientation of Transwomen
|
Note: Some names in this article have been changed to protect peoples identities. Introduction
The innate priority of most men is to seek a sexual relationship with a physically beautiful woman as she is likely to be fertile and childbearing. Whilst women may enjoy a short-term relationship with a physically attractive man (who admittedly can pass on good genes to her child), a strongly competing priority is seeking a long-term relationship with the wealthiest and most successful man that she can attract in order to ensure the highest possible standard of living (aka chance of survival) for herself and her children. From this difference in priorities, it's unsurprising that women are far more confident that they can get a date with an attractive man than men are with an attractive woman (38% vs 26% according to one study).
Sexual Orientation Sexual orientation is a very personal feeling, the outwardly proclaimed sexuality can often differ from true private sexual attraction. When I had my GCS, a fellow patient was a mature man who had left his wife and children because one night he realised that he was "a lesbian stuck in the life of a straight man" and needed to correct this. It is thus not surprising that surveys and studies differ widely in their results.
A review of the very limited studies (table below) of the sexual orientation of post-Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) transsexual women paint a confusing picture, with heterosexuals only very slightly outnumbered by other categories. The numbers do not align with claims that transgender women are often obsessively "female" in all aspects of their behaviour, and that many transgender women are really just homosexual men - a very high heterosexual percentage would thus be expected.
The sample size is generally small and the variance between studies is substantial, making it hard to develop a "rule of thumb". There is also a probability that the woman's true sexual preference may not be reflected in the option that she selected. Overall, the best that can be concluded is that about half of post-SRS women classify themselves as heterosexual and choose male partners, but also a large number either prefer female partners or are amenable to them. As such, their sexuality profile seems to be very similar to genetically XX ciswomen.
Age Matters A large proportion of MTF transsexuals who have surgery while still under age 30 categorise themselves as a heterosexual woman. Some of these are undoubtedly the rather rare "genuine transsexual", who has from an early age considered themselves to be a female and sought hormones and surgery as soon as possible. Controversially - as discussed below - there also seems to be a substantial number of highly driven young homosexual men who decide to live as a woman. Sexual orientations tend to be far more diverse among transition'ers over 30. But a clear trend as age increases is having lesbian relationships with a former female partner or other transsexual women. Based upon the limited available evidence it can be suspected:
A)
The younger a woman's age at SRS, the more likely an
apparent heterosexual female orientation will be, the obvious
corollary being that the greater the woman's age at SRS, the
more likely a lesbian or bisexual orientation is. B) The more "passable" a woman is (which is partly linked to her age at the time of SRS), the more likely an apparent heterosexual orientation is. The conclusion is that young and passable MTF women are very likely to be heterosexual, older transwomen who struggle to pass are likely to be lesbian, and there are many who fall into a broad bi-sexual middle ground. [I welcome additional evidence to help prove or disprove this statement.]
Heterosexual
Transwomen
A large study by Dr. Lawrence found that just 9% of the 232 male-to-female participants were attracted to men before their SRS, this rose to a substantial 34% after SRS, but percentages are still very low compared with other (smaller) studies. However, there may be some problems with this study which may make it difficult to generalise from - for example the age or self-selecting nature of the participants. Post-SRS heterosexual transwomen obviously fall in to two categories - (1) those already attracted to men before SRS; and (2) those that change their sexual preference from women to men.
It's been controversially suggested that some transsexual post-SRS heterosexual women are really homosexual men driven to have sex change surgery by their sexual preferences. The theory is that as men, these individuals desire and want to have sex with other men - especially 'straight' heterosexual men - but they can only attract and enter into relationships with the later by becoming physically a women. Most medical professionals are reluctant to accept this theory but there are some strong advocates. It certainly seems to be indirectly supported by the fact that many (two thirds in Brazil) shemale prostitutes revert to living as a man with a homosexual orientation when their looks fade. It is only a small step from that to assume that a few homosexuals instead decide to have SRS, perhaps after entering a serious relation with a heterosexual man. The theory is also perhaps supported by evidence from Iran where homosexuality is strictly banned on religious grounds, but sex change surgery is allowed and is subsidised by the state. After surgery, the transwoman can have her birth certificate and all other official documents re-issued as 'female', and legally marry a man. The high prevalence of transsexuality and SRS procedures in Iran - one surgeon suggested eight times greater than western countries - leads to the suspicion that many homosexuals (and lesbians) are claiming to be transsexual. Regardless of how correct the "some [MTF] transsexuals are homosexuals" theory is, it certainly doesn't account for all the heterosexual transwomen, and other factors must be considered. One such factor may be hormones. The radical hormonal changes in the body of a transwoman, to approximately female norms after orchiectomy or SRS, may well give her a push towards a heterosexual orientation. This can happen sometimes to their own surprise - often blaming (perhaps correctly in part) the hormones they are taking. For example. a 27-year old MTF transsexual in love with her already post-SRS transwoman partner, admitted that "I'd now categorise myself as bisexual because since taking hormones I find men attractive too."
While most heterosexual transwomen are heterosexual for reasons of choice and preference, it seems likely that in some instances the adoption of a heterosexual orientation is closely related to the transsexual woman's success in passing and assimilating herself as a woman. Social conformance - even in the twenty-first century - encourages the successfully passing transwoman to enter in to "normal" sexual relationships with men as far as she is physically capable, while intimate relationships with other women risks "rocking the boat" and unwanted curiosity and gossip.
The other side of the coin is that post-SRS heterosexual transwomen who are unable to pass well are often faced with great difficulty in attracting and having a relationship with men. One-night stands with 'normal' men often end in tears. Brief relationships with tranny chasers may occur, but these are usually seeking pre-SRS girls and thus often disappointed. Eventual sexual abstinence is common among those in their 30's and 40's; whilst those over age 50 may struggle to get any sexual interest from men at all. One post-SRS transwoman in her 40's - who desperately wants a relationship with a 'straight' man but can't pass, despairingly says "no man wants to have sex with a transsexual when they can have a real woman". [MTF women thinking about transition and surgery should bear this in mind] Finally, it should be mentioned that some transwomen consider themselves as to be heterosexual, but in practice have little interest in the actual sex. For example, Samantha Kane (who had SRS at age 37) concluded after five boyfriends that sex as a woman was rather boring - indeed far less interesting than the preliminaries to a big night out such as a shopping trip. There's no doubt that quite a few genetic women would agree with her!
An emerging phenomenon is sexually active transwomen who don't hide their transsexuality, but who attract heterosexual men by being physically more "female" than most genetic females. They typically transition and successfully pass as a woman for several years, but increasingly extreme (and unnatural looking) feministion surgery leads to them to outed as a transwoman. High profile examples include Allanah Starr, Danielle Foxx, Kimberly James, Michelle Alexandra and Amanda Lepore. Perhaps the most famous is Amanda, whose life story changes in every interview, e.g. here and here. One possible biography is that she was born in 1967 and started hormones and transitioned at age 16. She somehow legally married a man just one year later. Age 19 she had SRS - the first and apparently most painful of her many feminisation operations. Subsequent operations have included extensive facial feminisation, multiple breast augmentations, buttock implants and having her broken/removed to achieve a smaller waist. She left her husband in 1989 (age 22) to pursue a career in New York as a 'creature of the night', but to pay her bills she had to take jobs as mundane as a shop assistant. She was eventually discovered as model in 1999, admitting that she aims for an extreme movie star look that's more female than Jean Harlow, Marilyn Monroe or even Jessica Rabbit! Her short stature of just 5ft 2in helps to emphasise her female figure. She has since also tried to develop her career as a singer and actress.
Photos of Kelly Anne Star and Michelle Alexandra - shown after transitioning and some years later.
Lesbian Transwomen
Worryingly, some lesbian women claim to have been pressurised in to having sex with a transgender women (some pre-GRS) with the threat that they would otherwise be named on social media as prejudiced and anti-trans.
Bisexual Transwomen
Marie-France - a French showgirl, actress and singer - is an interesting example for a sleuth. After her transition in 1962, age 16, she soon had serious boyfriends but also still enjoyed sex with girls. By the late 1960's she was working at the Alcazar nightclub in Paris as a drag queen and was apparently only sexually interested in men, but oddly didn't have GCS until 1985. In 2003 her autobiography Once upon a Time, Marie-France recounts her sexual relationships with dozens of French, British and American male celebrities - including the singer Prince whom she collaborated with in 1986. Despite all her admirers she has never married.
Whether To Be Open Even if a heterosexual man seems to take the news well, the likelihood is that he never be seen again. As one very sexually active post-op transwomen put it: "Why would a normal man want to fuck me [if I told him I was transsexual] rather than a natural woman". The situation is rarely better if seeking a lesbian relationship.
Bitter experience soon makes many transwomen reluctant to confess to someone they fancy that they are transgender, but this leads to new problems. For a pre-op transwoman, even a pleasant kiss and cuddle can soon become dangerous as his/her hands wonder, and they start to look for more. Post-op transwomen face less danger from a groping hand, but a majority still face the debate of whether to confess about their past before their partner's increasing suspicion leads to a confrontation, potentially violent. For the lucky minority that are totally passable, the road may still eventually lead to very difficult questions being posed by a besotted partner, e.g. a marriage proposal and discussions about having children.
Straighter than Ciswomen? Heterosexual transwomen tend to be very adamant that they are only attracted to men; it would be interesting to conduct a similar survey with them.
An important benefit of a relationship with another transsexual is that the partners can share their experiences and provide mutual support and understanding - something which a relationship with a non-transsexual person cannot provide to the same extent. Also, transcouples do not need to face the risks and worries of going stealth to establish and maintain the relationship with their partner. A significant proportion of transsexual women admit to being attracted to other transsexual women, indeed one small survey found that half of the respondents were strongly attracted to other transsexual women. Naturally this attraction often leads to relationships, both of a "one night stand" and of a more permanent nature. Sexually, these are technically lesbian relationships, but interestingly the partners are frequently not attracted to non-transsexual genetic women. It can get complex! The story of Lee is an example of how complicated things can get. Apparently a happily married young man he suddenly left his wife to transition as a woman, Leah. She subsequently described herself as being a "heterosexual woman with male body parts [whose] fantasies revolved around being sexual with men". She then had GCS and extensive facial feminisition surgery. A few years later she married a man who had left his wife for her. A decade later her husband anounced that he was also transgender! They divorced but nevertheless remained best friends and 40-year-old Leah accompanied her ex-husband - now called Anna - for her GCS.
Homosexual or Transsexual?
The homosexual or transsexual debate often tore the transgender community apart in the early 2000's, in particular the theories of Dr Ray Blanchard, Dr J. Michael Bailey and Dr Anne Lawrence caused extraordinary division. A few examples that shows the gulf between theory and real life:
Ivy was very confused about his/her gender as a teenager. She began taking oestrogen hormones and transitioned age 24. After several dubious sexual encounters, she found a serious boyfriend who considered her to be "special", but wasn't sure about her "lack of breasts and a vagina". In rapid succession Ivy had breast augmentation, a trachea shave and finally - age 26 - sex-reassignment surgery. However, her boyfriend's initial delight with her neo-vagina quickly faded and he soon moved out of their apartment. Ivy then found that she was no longer "special" but was competing for men with other women, and many cis women were simply more attractive than her. She regrets her GCS but recognises that it's irrevocable, she is now undergoing facial hair electrolysis and seeking additional feminisation surgery that will hopefully let her live successfully as a woman for the rest of her live.
Young Transsexuals
The girls desire to normalise her body and have vaginal intercourse often becomes a key driver for her seeking surgery as soon as possible. Waiting to her 18th birthday before having sex-reassignment surgery - as is required by the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association Standard Of Care that most doctors and surgeons conform to - can be a bitter and sexually very frustrating test of endurance. Some examples:
Maxine: "At age 14 I experienced my 'first time' while on holiday ... [he was] six-foot-tall, wash board belly, unbelievably sexy. He chatted me up on the beach and we went to his hotel room. He slowly undressed me. It was beautiful. There was nothing I wanted more that night than to be a whole woman." A few years later Maxine had a relationship with Omar, a strongly heterosexual man: "He missed me not having a bosom ... deep down he believed that I was really another man. I wanted to be the perfect partner for Omar, and dreamt of us having a family. I longed to be a woman." Maxine began taking oestrogen hormones and had breast augmentation age 17, but Omar still soon moved on. For the next three years Maxine agonised over her sexuality and gender, before finally having SRS.
Paris: "My last relationship was a seemingly never-ending rollercoaster of orgasms so it’s not that I don’t enjoy a bit of afternoon delight. Or evening or morning delight, for that matter. Far from it."
'A' had SRS at 17, she says: "I just love sex, since the operation I crave it all the time. I'm just a woman with needs!" 'T' who transitioned in her teens and had SRS at age 17 says: "I'm all woman and enjoyed being [with my partner] because he's all man. I'm more feminine than most women I know. The fact I was born a man is just an inconvenient technicality."
The Effects of Hormones...
However, we know from numerous studies of cis women that
they are most strongly attracted to men at the most
fertile part of their menstrual cycle (i.e. when they have the
highest oestrogen
levels), particularly those with strong
masculine features (big muscles, square jaws, prominent brow...)
which indicate high levels of the male sex hormone testosterone.
Even women who strongly identify as lesbian have give-aways of
being sexually simulated by men at this time.
Women who take contraceptive pills have permanently raised oestrogen levels and seem to disproportionately favour masculine looking men all the time. Although there is a counter-argument that this a self-selective finding as they wouldn't be taking the pill if they weren't in or considering an active sexual relationship with men. Nevertheless, there is a suspicion that the high oestrogen levels of a transwoman taking female hormones will tug her towards sexual attraction towards a male partner. Like many things related to transwomen, this probably - but not certainly - age dependent. A high proportion of transwomen transitioning under age 30 seek boyfriends and husbands, whilst many over 40 consider themselves lesbian and even continue to live with their former wife.
Personal Experience
When young I never led an active sex life but my sexual attraction was always towards girls. However, taking oestrogen when age 30 quickly reduced my sex drive to zero and I then had little sexual interest in either men or women. It became depressing as my friends (male and female) called me the next day to describe their adventures after I had left a party or night club at a sensible time. I also became very conscious that many of my older friends were now married. When I (unfortunately) stopped taking hormones for nearly two years, my 'male' sex drive, libido and penis never completely recovered. Indeed, I was probably very close to a permanent "hormonal castration" when I stopped.
I've since concluded that the greatest difference between my sex life as a man and as a woman is that as a man, coitus almost certainly guaranteed an orgasm. As a woman, it's enjoyable but an orgasm is rare, which is a rather shit. An orgasm now requires several things to conincide - I'm mentually very excited (ideally on a beach!), extensive foreplay and stimulous of my clitorus, and deep penetration that I can feel. When it does happen it's very intense, very prolonged and easy to repeat. Jackpot!
In 2017 I participated in the development of a strategy for transgender youth (defined as under age 25) and observed a huge mix in sexual preferences. However, it seemed to me more than a coincidence that the most passable transgirls were primarily attracted to men, often referring in meetings to their boyfriend. On a couple of occasions I met the participants in a social context - and observed the passable transgirls eventually pealing off to flirt with and tease some guys. Conversely the less passable transgirls continued to stick together.
In regard to adults transitioning from male to female,
over the years I've observed two predominant groups - those
that are determinedly heterosexual (i.e. interested only in men)
and those that are lesbian (i.e. prefer women) but nevertheless occasionally have sex with a man
to validate their womanhood (making them bisexual?). A transition age of
around 30 is a rough dividing line between the two groups.
|
Last updated: 10 August, 2016
 Formerly the "Birth of Venus"
(c) 2000-2024 Annie Richards |
There
has been amazingly little investigation by the medical profession into
the sexual orientation of male-to-female transsexual women. This
is very surprising given the psychological and social importance of
"sex" and "sexuality", and the presumably deliberate incorporation of
these into the term "transsexual". 
A heavily caveated baseline for this article is that about 85% of adult
natal "XX" women consider themselves as being heterosexual, i.e. only
sexually attracted to the opposite sex. This is close to the 89% of men
who say they are heterosexual. However, whilst the percentage
barely changes for men regardless of age, for women it increases
steadily with age - from less than 80% for young women under 20, to over
90% for those aged 50+.
Further,
studies assessing sexual arousal using physical criteria such as
pupil dilation and genital response have found that a majority of women
(but not men) are bisexual in mind, if not in practice.
From
consolidated sources it would seem that about half of the transwomen who
were heterosexual man (i.e. were exclusively sexually attracted to
women) before their SRS, become heterosexual women afterwards (i.e.
exclusively attracted to men). This is a possible corollary
from the dominance of a heterosexual orientation in natal women - even
if a woman is known to be a transsexual, a heterosexual inclination
(i.e. a sexual preference for men) is still subconsciously expected by
society and even the woman herself, and any other orientation presents
problems. 
Going
further, for a few transsexual women (like for some genetic
women), marriage and even motherhood via the adoption of
children becomes their overriding goal, and perhaps an ultimate
symbol and proof of their womanhood. Indeed, the
Stepford Wives
may still be alive and well - albeit as Transgender Wives.
Entering
into a committed relationship with a man undoubtedly tends to pull a
transwoman away from any open acknowledgement of her transsexuality
and male past, and encourages an apparently heterosexual orientation
in public - whatever her secret inclinations might still be.
As the table above shows, many heterosexual transsexual women hide
their male past from partners and even their husband, feeling
(unfortunately often correctly) that the relationship may not
survive this becoming known to him. Even if the partner knows
about and accepts the woman's transsexuality, their friends and his
family might not be so open minded, and external pressures and
prejudice could eventually destroy the relationship. When the
marriage of an apparently successful transwoman with a man come
under stress - as every marriage inevitably does at some point - a
background awareness of the wife's former life as man often seems to
be a decisive factor in the divorce.
Conversely, a very small proportion
of GRS/SRS operations are performed on men who have an
intense desire to have "lesbian" intercourse with women.
After doing whatever is necessary to obtain surgery, these men
then often stop taking female hormones and live as a man
or a very "butch" woman. Drew Deveaux
(left) is probably the most famous example of this. 
Tamalah,
says "I knew from as early as I can remember that I was a
girl. I didn't consider myself gay, I considered myself a
heterosexual female." After she transitioned age 18
she was constantly being asked out by men and managed to have a very active sex life
even before her GCS - "I figured what
they didn't know wouldn't hurt them".
Isla transitioned age 21, and had SRS a few years later. She
sought out and had sex (both pre- and post-GCS) with heterosexual married men as it made her feel "desirable and
validated as a woman".
Although my transition was very difficult, I
became increasingly passable as a woman and began to receive obvious sexual interest from men
outside of my now very limited night-life . It
was sometimes
hard not to respond and started to regain a libido - as a
woman. I then found a wonderful and devoted boyfriend. Although
not quite the hunk I was sometimes fantasising about, he took me on holiday and
for the first time I had consenting intimacy with a man. A year later he proposed marriage and
I accepted. Unfortunately my CGS was delayed until after
the wedding, but we were finally able to consummate the marriage
as husband and wife a few months later.
Back to Articles
(No spaces)