A rarely noted fact is that many, perhaps even a majority, of male-to-female transsexual women are mothers. This may be to their own children conceived before having SRS, as a step-mum to their partner's children, or as the mother of adopted children. Medical advances have transformed the lives of transsexual woman since the 1950's. Hormones provide huge physical and mental benefits, whilst advances in Sex Reassignment Surgery techniques make it difficult to distinguish the vulva (external genitalia) of a genetically XY male-to-female (MTF) transsexual women from that of XX women. An ever-increasing number of transsexual women now stealthy lead their lives without their friends, sexual partners and even husband ever suspecting that they were born anything other than a woman. Nevertheless, transwomen still cannot bear children due to their lack of internal female reproductive organs. Further, an openly transsexual woman seeking to have children and be a mother faces far more barriers than a genetic XX women in relation to adoption or the use of a surrogate mother.
Aspirations of Motherhood in Transwomen I transitioned full-time in my mid-30's and married a few years later. The mid-to-late 30's is considered a 'now or never' point for women who want to have children, and I was got many broad hints that "the clock was ticking", even from people who knew that I was trans! Also, on an almost a monthly basis, I would hear the exciting news that a work colleague, friend or relative was pregnant. For a while I was very broody, and it was depressing to keep ticking the 'Not Pregnant' box on medical forms. Historically there has been relatively little pressure on the medical profession to aid transsexual women to have children as allegedly few want this. Marci Bowers, a gynaecological surgeon specialising in sex-reassignment surgery says that fewer than 5 percent of her MTF patients ask about this. But there is a huge western and age'ist bias to this finding. For example, Thai and Brazilian MTF transsexuals typically transition in their early 20's (median age) and very few have sired any children before having SRS. Some later go to huge lengths to become a mother, at least by adoption. By comparison, in the early 2000's the median age of transition for European MTF transsexuals was late 30's or early 40's - the majority had been married at least once and had genetically related children via their cis-female wife.
A major change in recent years is the reduction the average of Western transgender women. In 2013 the UK's NHS reported that the average (mean) age of patients being referred to its gender identity clinics was a 42. In 2015 it was just 30 after huge annual rises in the number of teenagers being referred with gender disorder - the Sun newspaper suggesting 1000%. This is very significant as unlike the older cohort, many young transwomen under 30 have never been in a serious relationship with a cis-woman - let alone be married and have had children. A 2020 study conducted in the UK - Perceptions and Motivations for Uterus Transplant in Transgender Women - is helpful due to its focus on young MTF transwomen. 133 of the 182 respondents (73%) were between age 16 and 29 and only 8 were over 39. About a third (31%) were married or living with a partner. Very few of the respondants (8%) had fathered children before transitioning and an extraordinary 94% apparently wanted to give birth to children as a woman - a much higher percentage than the c.77% typical for western cis-women around age 30 (a peak age for "broodiness") who have not yet born children. However, the wording of the questions perhaps encouraged an excessively positive response.
The advent of many transwomen marrying at a reproductive age and seeking to be a mother has resulted in an increasing number adopting a baby via a surrogate mother. Some stealth transwoman (and occassionally non-stealth) then simulate the pregnancy for the whole nine months, trying to avoid the embarrassment of admitting to using a surrogate. There are now enough instances of this that there are companies that specialise in providing high-quality fake silicone pregnancy belly's, originally intended for actors they have discovered an additional market with both cis- and transwomen. At the higher end these are custom manufactured at prices starting from $/£300 for a perfect fit and skin colour match, with a replacement of increased size required every month. At the low-end, false pregnancy belly's can be purchased on-line for under £/$50.
Transwoman With Own ChildrenAs the age of transition increases then the likelihood of children increases. A western man is statistially likely to have fathered one child when by age 29.5. Studies and circumstancial evdence suggests that MTF transwomen who transition in their 30's or older, are as likely to have been married and had children as any men of their age.
Michelle describes how she changed from being "Dad" after her transition at age 30:
It's also actually not unusual for a transwoman to father a baby just before their SRS if they have not been taking oestrogen hormones for very long. For example, 39-year old transitioning Willie Wotherspoon delayed having SRS until his girlfriend became pregnant. Now Lisa-Anne Docherty, she was six months post-surgery by the time of the birth. It's often been suggested, even in court, that having their father become a woman must be a traumatic and emotionally scaring process for the children. But contrarily studies have revealed, perhaps against expectations, no evidence of any physiological, sociological, or gender identity damage to such children. Also, statistically the children are no more likely to grow up homosexual or transgender'ed than any other children. For example one key study, "Transsexuals' Children" by Dr R Green concludes:
After a fathers transition and subsequent SRS, there are several possibilities:
1. The parents remain together and the children effectively have two mothers. It is reported that the incidence of male-to-female "transwomen" remaining legally married to their wives is very small. However, despite the former husband's SRS some couples still feel a very strong bond linking them. It's not unknown for such couples to continue to live together, and not just for the sake of any children.
2. The parent separate, the maternal mother having custody but the father has regular access and visitation rights. The most common outcome. However the transsexual mother faces severe challenges if her rights to see the child are challenged by anyone. For example one American court has terminated a transsexual mother's parental rights - characterizing the male-to-female transsexual parent as "selfish" and holding that "it was strictly Tim Daly's choice to discard his fatherhood and assume the role of a female who could never be either mother or sister to his daughter". Another court imposed an indefinite moratorium on visitation rights for male-to-female parent, finding that it would be emotionally confusing for the children to see their father as a woman - despite no evidence being presented that would justify this decision.
3. The parents separate, the former father having custody Transgendered and transsexual parents face tremendous discrimination in the child custody area. Awarding custody of children to a transsexual mother (the former father) is still very rare, but thankfully no longer completely unknown. Hopefully it will become an increasingly acceptable award by open-minded judges in disputed custody cases. Courts may sometimes only grant custody to a transsexual mother when she agrees to hide transsexual status, for example awarding custody to a gender dysphoric father only when the father agrees to undergo therapy and "to maintain his male identity". Another requirement may be regular checks by a psychiatrist to confirm that there is no evidence the child manifests any gender atypical behaviours or gender identity problems.
Sadly as documented above there are occasions where a court may deny the former father any access rights to his children. There are also instances where the former father, perhaps trying to put his male past behind him, does not wish to see his children which represent an uncomfortable or inconvenient reminder.
5. The parents have children before both have sex change surgery In
such circumstances both the marriage and custody of the children is
fully legal in all countries. It's up to the parents to determine
who's the baby's mother and father... ideally within days or at worst a
few months if the baby is to bond to it's rearing mother and avoid, or
at least minimise, any psychological disturbance. By six months
the baby has irreversibly identified who it's mother is. Young Transwoman Without Own ChildrenA massive change since 2000 is the huge increase number of young transwomen in Western countries such as the UK. Stats are very scarce, but I created an Excel model that included the very small number of young transgender patients being reported annually in the UK before 2000, the very small number of SRS operations being performed (doubled to include patients who had treatment overseas), plus an adjustment for aging. After making many assumptions I arrived at total of just c.600 post-SRS transwomen in the UK under age 30. I repeated this model using data published up to 2020, and - again with assumptions - arrived at total of c.19,000 post-SRS transwomen under age 30! A transsexual women who transitioned and had surgery by her late teens or 20's is very unlikely to have conceived children as a father, typically such transsexuals rarely have sexual relationships with women as a man, and are often still consider themselves to be virgins at the time of their SRS. One recent study of transwomen who transitioned when young found that just 3% had fathered a child by age 30, whilst 30% were married or in a serious relationships. Young transwomen thus present a very different paradyn from that described above for more mature transwomen. For example:
AdoptionPost sex reassignment surgery (SRS) women are infertile, lacking a uterus, ovaries, or eggs there is no possibility that can become pregnant. Thus if a transsexual woman and her husband want to become parents, inevitably adoption is popular option. Adoption is a court procedure by which an adult legally becomes the parent of someone who is not his or her biological child.
A cursory examination of the Internet and the media would not seem to indicate that many transsexual women fall in to the "the husband and 2 kids" category. However as is often the case, appearances can be very deceptive. There is no doubt that in fact many transwomen do happily marry and want children. The perceived low incidence is undoubtedly caused in part caused by the lack of publicity that many transwomen and their families seek. Accurate statistics are unavailable, but it is likely that 20-30% of transsexual women pass so convincingly that they can be "assimilated" in to society as unquestionably a woman, in some cases hiding their past life so completely (i.e. going "stealthy") that even their husband or partner does not know of their transsexuality. [There is no doubt that transwomen fear that a relationship with a man could not survive him knowing of her transsexuality. One study found that nearly half of the women it surveyed could - and presumably had - kept their transsexualism a secret from all partners with whom they had had sexual relationships since surgery!] Many transsexual women eventually settle down and marry, or enter in to long term relationships with a man, indeed clinical follow-up studies show that about 10% of transsexual women describe themselves simply as housewives or homemakers! And many such women then also want (or perhaps their partners do) children, obviously explaining to their husband that they are infertile for some reason, even if they hide the full story.
1. Adoption
of a child through an Adoption Agency. Unfortunately a couple seeking to legally adopt children will face a major hurdle with most adoption agencies, in that they should preferably be legally married. If the wife is a transsexual this is unfortunately often not be the case, in most countries it is extremely hard for a transwoman to legally marry a man unless she possess a birth certificate stating her sex as female, something which is also very hard to obtain. If the couple is not legally married, or more probably the documentation they can present is inadequate, it is unlikely that adoption agencies will consider them, indeed they find themselves to be rather less acceptable than same sex lesbian or homosexual couples in long-term relationships which "Politically Correct" adoption agencies will nowadays increasingly consider. However, transsexual women wishing to marry can and do tell lies, forge or alter their birth certificate, emphasise a "female" passport, "forget" or "lose" inconvenient documents, and take other measures to persuade or even deceive the church and registrar . Many transsexual women are successful in having an apparently legal wedding, and in gaining an official marriage certificate. The couple may thus be able to provide all the necessary and acceptable documentation to an adoption agency, and this case they are in nearly the same position as any other couple during the adoption process.
Normal Adoption Process Once the couple has made the decision to adopt a child, the next step is to do some research (e.g. via the many books on adoption, or on the Internet) to prepare themselves for the qualification process. They can then contact a licensed adoption agency, these can be public or private, the couple will generally be enrolled in a pre-adoption class and then scheduled for the "homestudy" to begin. The homestudy is the critical piece in the pre-adoption process. No one can adopt a child without a successfully completed homestudy. This is not a simple visit to the house (or apartment), but as the name implies, a study of the "home" they will be providing to a child. The study consists of a myriad of items including reference and background checks, financial statements, and personal visits from caseworkers. The homestudy process can take from 6 weeks to three months depending on the agency and the individual particulars of the couple's situation. The homestudy will include two hurdles of particular relevance to transsexual women as they may potentially present problems:
Personal History - She will be asked to provide in writing or
through an interview information describing the family in which she grew
up, how she was disciplined as a child, educational experiences, life
experiences, successes and history of coping with problems. The entire adoption process can take 6 months to one year to complete. After the homestudy is completed the process of matching the couple with an appropriate child takes place. Once a child has been found, they will spend up to six months with the couple before the adoption is finalized. This period is usually supervised by the agency and a report made to the court on the process of the child's placement. A social worker will visit the home several times to assess the child's progress and prepare a written report for the court.
The
surrogate mother is commonly selected by the couple because of her
location or physical similarity. Others want a surrogate who is
intelligent. All couples, however, look for a woman who is
healthy, has no significant medical/psychological difficulties, is
emotionally and mentally stable, conceives easily, and who is
responsible and mature enough to realize that the couple is placing an
enormous amount of trust in her to carry their child. In most
reputable programmes the potential surrogate mother must be between
18-35 and have previously had a child. While some agencies tend to
seek out poor women highly motivated by the fee payable to her (usually
between $10,000 and $15,000, although sums as high $30,000 are not
unknown), the typical surrogate is perhaps 28, married, employed, and
solidly middle class.
The
most desirable situation is where the frozen sperm is used to fertilise
an egg from a female relative of the male partner/husband (ideally a
sister or even mother). The resulting baby will be then be very
strongly gentically linked to both parents - they will share 75% of the
babies genes.
Mr Justice Johnson said during the hearing last month
that he was "sympathetic" towards Elizabeth Bellinger.
But yesterday he said the law as it stood prevented him
declaring the marriage valid.
Mrs Bellinger, 54, who married husband Michael at
Southwark register office in south London in 1981 is one
of a few transsexuals in Britain who have gone through a
marriage ceremony. She brought up the five-year-old
daughter of her husband, a widower, with the approval of
a judge.
For nearly 20 years, only her husband knew her secret.
But two years ago she went public in an interview with
the Guardian at the start of a campaign to have her
marriage legally recognised.
After the Adoption However there still remains a potential problem that natal "XX"
women don't face. The validity of the transwoman's marriage
could still be potentially challenged later, and thus the woman
at least remains in a potentially vulnerable legal situation as
a parent, and even as a wife in most countries. For
example, in the event of marital problems it would be very easy
for the husband to get the marriage annulled or voided (note,
not a divorce as the marriage was never legal) on the grounds
that his wife is a transsexual. A typical legal judgment
is along the lines of "there is no authority .... for the
issuance of a marriage license to consummate a marriage between
a post-operative male to female transsexual person and a male
person". If it's successfully argued that the marriage was
never valid, then the transsexual woman's parental status and
parental rights may well be jeopardized. In such
circumstances its not unusual for the children to be
taken in to care, or at least have sole custody awarded to the
ex-husband.
The Step-MumIf a transsexual woman marries a man with children from a previous marriage, she can seek to adopt them as a step-mum. This will gives her full legal rights and responsibilities as a parent and their mother. However as already indicated above, if the legitimacy and legality of the marriage was ever challenged, the marriage would almost certainly be annulled or voided given the way the law currently stands in most countries, she would then be in a very vulnerable legal situation as a parent.
Do Transwomen make Good Mothers?Of course this is an impossible question to actually answer. It's like asking "do men make good fathers"? The only reasonable answer is that some make very good mothers, while others may make very poor mothers. However it's also reasonable to suppose that transsexual women who actively seek marriage and children, or actively seek custody of their own children, are at least as likely to be as good a mother as any other woman. Conversely, it can be supposed that transsexual women who don't want to be a mother are less likely to actually be put in this situation than fertile natal "XX" women. |
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Last updated: 17th January, 2003