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A rarely noted fact is that many, perhaps even a majority, of male-to-female transsexual women are mothers. This may be to their own children conceived before having SRS, as a step-mum to their partner's children, or as the mother of adopted children.
Own ChildrenA transsexual women who transitioned and had surgery by her early 20's is very unlikely to have conceived children as a father, typically such transsexuals rarely have sexual relationships with women as a man, and are often still consider themselves to be virgins at the time of their SRS. However as the age of transition increases then the likelihood of children increases. It seems probable that MTF women who transitioned in their late 30's or older, are as statistically as likely to have been married and had children as any men, certainly the limited circumstantial information backs this hypothesis.
Michelle describes how she coped with becoming a mother after her transition at age 30:
It's also actually not unusual for a transwoman to father a baby just before their SRS if they have not been taking oestrogen hormones for very long. For example, 39-year old transitioning Willie Wotherspoon delayed having SRS until his girlfriend became pregnant. Now Lisa-Anne Docherty, she was six months post-surgery by the time of the birth. It's often been suggested, even in court, that having their father become a woman must be a traumatic and emotionally scaring process for the children. But contrarily studies have revealed, perhaps against expectations, no evidence of any physiological, sociological, or gender identity damage to such children. Also, statistically the children are no more likely to grow up homosexual or transgender'ed than any other children. For example one key study, "Transsexuals' Children" by Dr R Green concludes:
After a fathers transition and subsequent SRS, there are several possibilities:
1. The parents remain together and the children effectively have two mothers. It is reported that the incidence of male-to-female "transwomen" remaining legally married to their wives is very small. However, despite the former husband's SRS some couples still feel a very strong bond linking them. It's not unknown for such couples to continue to live together, and not just for the sake of any children.
2. The parent separate, the maternal mother having custody but the father has regular access and visitation rights. The most common outcome. However the transsexual mother faces severe challenges if her rights to see the child are challenged by anyone. For example one American court has terminated a transsexual mother's parental rights - characterizing the male-to-female transsexual parent as "selfish" and holding that "it was strictly Tim Daly's choice to discard his fatherhood and assume the role of a female who could never be either mother or sister to his daughter". Another court imposed an indefinite moratorium on visitation rights for male-to-female parent, finding that it would be emotionally confusing for the children to see their father as a woman - despite no evidence being presented that would justify this decision. It's also not unknown for a court to only grant the former father visitation rights to her children if she agrees to hide her transsexuality, for example only visiting them dressed, appearing and behaving as a man. 3. The parents separate, the former father having custody
4. The parents separate, and the former father voluntarily or involuntarily has no contact with the children Sadly as documented above there are occasions where a court may deny the former father any access rights to his children. There are also instances where the former father, perhaps trying to put his male past behind him, does not wish to see his children which represent an uncomfortable or inconvenient reminder.
5. The parents have children before both have sex change surgery In
such circumstances both the marriage and custody of the children is
fully legal in all countries. It's up to the parents to determine
who's the baby's mother and father... ideally within days or at worst a
few months if the baby is to bond to it's rearing mother and avoid, or
at least minimise, any psychological disturbance. By six months
the baby has irreversibly identified who it's mother is. AdoptionPost sex reassignment surgery (SRS) women are infertile, lacking a uterus, ovaries, or eggs there is no possibility that can become pregnant. Thus if a transsexual woman and her husband want to become parents, inevitably adoption is popular option. Adoption is a court procedure by which an adult legally becomes the parent of someone who is not his or her biological child.
A cursory examination of the Internet and the media would not seem to indicate that many transsexual women fall in to the "the husband and 2 kids" category. However as is often the case, appearances can be very deceptive. There is no doubt that in fact many transwomen do happily marry and want children. The perceived low incidence is undoubtedly caused in part caused by the lack of publicity that many transwomen and their families seek. Accurate statistics are unavailable, but it is likely that 20-30% of transsexual women pass so convincingly that they can be "assimilated" in to society as unquestionably a woman, in some cases hiding their past life so completely (i.e. going "stealthy") that even their husband or partner does not know of their transsexuality. [There is no doubt that transwomen fear that a relationship with a man could not survive him knowing of her transsexuality. One study found that nearly half of the women it surveyed could - and presumably had - kept their transsexualism a secret from all partners with whom they had had sexual relationships since surgery!] Many transsexual women eventually settle down and marry, or enter in to long term relationships with a man, indeed clinical follow-up studies show that about 10% of transsexual women describe themselves simply as housewives or homemakers! And many such women then also want (or perhaps their partners do) children, obviously explaining to their husband that they are infertile for some reason, even if they hide the full story.
For such a couple seeking to have children, there are two main options: 1. Adoption
of a child through an Adoption Agency. Unfortunately a couple seeking to legally adopt children will face a major hurdle with most adoption agencies, in that they should preferably be legally married. If the wife is a transsexual this is unfortunately often not be the case, in most countries it is extremely hard for a transwoman to legally marry a man unless she possess a birth certificate stating her sex as female, something which is also very hard to obtain. If the couple is not legally married, or more probably the documentation they can present is inadequate, it is unlikely that adoption agencies will consider them, indeed they find themselves to be rather less acceptable than same sex lesbian or homosexual couples in long-term relationships which "Politically Correct" adoption agencies will nowadays increasingly consider. However, transsexual women wishing to marry can and do tell lies, forge or alter their birth certificate, emphasise a "female" passport, "forget" or "lose" inconvenient documents, and take other measures to persuade or even deceive the church and registrar . Many transsexual women are successful in having an apparently legal wedding, and in gaining an official marriage certificate. The couple may thus be able to provide all the necessary and acceptable documentation to an adoption agency, and this case they are in nearly the same position as any other couple during the adoption process.
Normal Adoption Process Once the couple has made the decision to adopt a child, the next step is to do some research (e.g. via the many books on adoption, or on the Internet) to prepare themselves for the qualification process. They can then contact a licensed adoption agency, these can be public or private, the couple will generally be enrolled in a pre-adoption class and then scheduled for the "homestudy" to begin. The homestudy is the critical piece in the pre-adoption process. No one can adopt a child without a successfully completed homestudy. This is not a simple visit to the house (or apartment), but as the name implies, a study of the "home" they will be providing to a child. The study consists of a myriad of items including reference and background checks, financial statements, and personal visits from caseworkers. The homestudy process can take from 6 weeks to three months depending on the agency and the individual particulars of the couple's situation. The homestudy will include two hurdles of particular relevance to transsexual women as they may potentially present problems:
Personal History - She will be asked to provide in writing or
through an interview information describing the family in which she grew
up, how she was disciplined as a child, educational experiences, life
experiences, successes and history of coping with problems. The entire adoption process can take 6 months to one year to complete. After the homestudy is completed the process of matching the couple with an appropriate child takes place. Once a child has been found, they will spend up to six months with the couple before the adoption is finalized. This period is usually supervised by the agency and a report made to the court on the process of the child's placement. A social worker will visit the home several times to assess the child's progress and prepare a written report for the court.
The
surrogate mother is commonly selected by the couple because of her
location or physical similarity. Others want a surrogate who is
intelligent. All couples, however, look for a woman who is
healthy, has no significant medical/psychological difficulties, is
emotionally and mentally stable, conceives easily, and who is
responsible and mature enough to realize that the couple is placing an
enormous amount of trust in her to carry their child. In most
reputable programmes the potential surrogate mother must be between
18-35 and have previously had a child. While some agencies tend to
seek out poor women highly motivated by the fee payable to her (usually
between $10,000 and $15,000, although sums as high $30,000 are not
unknown), the typical surrogate is perhaps 28, married, employed, and
solidly middle class.
Obviously using a surrogate mother unrelated to the wife means that the
later will not be genetically related to her new baby in any way.
This can be partially resolved if a close female relative (sister or
mother) of the wife is willing to act as the surrogate mother using AI,
or at least as an egg donor for what's termed IVF/ED - In vitro
fertilization with an egg donor. In this technique the female
relative's eggs are combined with the sperm from the husband, and the
resulting embryos are then transferred to a surrogate.
The
most disorable situation is where the frozen sperm is used to fertilise
an egg from a female relative of the male partner/husband (ideally a
sister or even mother). The resulting baby will be then be very
strongly gentically linked to both parents - they will share 75% of the
babies genes.
After the Adoption
However there still remains a potential problem that natal "XX"
women don't face. The validity of the transwoman's marriage
could still be potentially challenged later, and thus the woman
at least remains in a potentially vulnerable legal situation as
a parent, and even as a wife in most countries. For
example, in the event of marital problems it would be very easy
for the husband to get the marriage annulled or voided (note,
not a divorce as the marriage was never legal) on the grounds
that his wife is a transsexual. A typical legal judgment
is along the lines of "there is no authority .... for the
issuance of a marriage license to consummate a marriage between
a post-operative male to female transsexual person and a male
person". If it's successfully argued that the marriage was
never valid, then the transsexual woman's parental status and
parental rights may well be jeopardized. In such
circumstances its not unusual for the children to be
taken in to care, or at least have sole custody awarded to the
ex-husband.
Mr Justice Johnson said during the hearing last month
that he was "sympathetic" towards Elizabeth Bellinger.
But yesterday he said the law as it stood prevented him
declaring the marriage valid.
Mrs Bellinger, 54, who married husband Michael at
Southwark register office in south London in 1981 is one
of a few transsexuals in Britain who have gone through a
marriage ceremony. She brought up the five-year-old
daughter of her husband, a widower, with the approval of
a judge.
For nearly 20 years, only her husband knew her secret.
But two years ago she went public in an interview with
the Guardian at the start of a campaign to have her
marriage legally recognised.
Saturday, June 26, 1999
The Vatican has strongly criticised the decision by a
court in Spain to give custody of an 11-year-old girl to
a transsexual.
The transsexual, called Eva but born Alfredo, says she
is a good mother and a devout Catholic who will continue
sending her adopted daughter to a convent school.
The girl's natural mother died when she was a year old
and her father, who lived as a couple with Eva for many
years, died two-and-a-half years ago.
The Vatican, in its official newspaper, called the
decision by the court in the southern city of Seville
repugnant.
It
said the ruling was an insult to the institution of the
family. The Vatican also said it resented the fact
that many courts in the European Union appeared to be
making similar decisions.
The 11-year-old girl, who has not been named, first lost
her natural mother when she was a year old. She
was then brought up by her natural father and his new
partner, a transsexual called Eva, who legally is still
considered a man.
The father died in February 1997 and Eva continued to
care for the daughter until her maternal grandparents
took her away and looked after her for 18 days.
There then followed a long battle in the courts for
custody of the girl. The courts first sided with
the grandparents, but an appeal court decided Eva would
be the girl's best guardian.
Eva says she is a good mother and a devout Catholic who
will continue to send the girl to a school run by nuns.
I believe in equality for all, said Eva, who says she
has always felt as though she were a woman.
She is now in the process of changing sex and is saving
the money for a full sex change operation.
Eva says everyone knows her situation and she is
accepted by the people in her neighbourhood and by the
other mothers at the girl's school.
Psychiatric reports ordered by the courts say the girl
is well-balanced and accepts Eva as her mother.
Spain is a fast-modernising, increasingly liberal
country but Eva's situation is still a long way from
being accepted by all elements of the society.
By Clare Sterling
Men and women who have sex change operations may be
allowed to legally marry and adopt children. A
Home Office consultation document is set to be launched
on legal recognition for the new genders of
transsexuals.
If the law is changed, it would also enable transsexuals
to inherit family titles and property. While
ministers privately fear a public outcry similar to that
provoked by repeal of Section 28 if new legislation is
adopted, they are mindful that the Government could be
forced to make the changes after the Human Rights Act
comes into force in October. The Act is expected
to lead to challenges to existing laws.
Many transsexuals marry illegally in Britain, but it can
be declared null and void if discovered.
It is also illegal for them to adopt. Last year
transsexuals won a court battle for protection under the
Sex Discrimination Act and recently won the right to
remain in the Armed Forces.
They are able to have their new gender recorded on
passports and driving licences but not birth
certificates.
If a
transsexual woman marries a man with children from a previous marriage,
she can seek to adopt them as a step-mum. This will gives her full
legal rights and responsibilities as a parent and their mother.
However as already indicated above, if the legitimacy and legality of
the marriage was ever challenged, the marriage would almost certainly be
annulled or voided given the way the law currently stands in most
countries, she would then be in a very vulnerable legal situation as a
parent. Of
course this is an impossible question to actually answer. It's
like asking "do men make good fathers"? The
only reasonable answer is that some make very good mothers, while others
may make very poor mothers. However it's also reasonable to suppose
that transsexual women who actively seek marriage and children, or
actively seek custody of their own children, are at least as likely to
be as good a mother as any other woman. Conversely, it can be
supposed that transsexual women who don't want to be a mother are less
likely to actually be put in this situation than fertile natal "XX"
women. |
(c) 2000 - 2024 Annie Richards
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Last updated: 17th January, 2003
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