Transition

 

Monica transitioned in her mid-20's.  A screen shot from a TV documentary.

IMHO, if a year after transitioning you are still constantly getting strange stares when shopping, and your "friends" and even family obviously don't like going out in public with you, a very hard re-assessment is appropriate before proceeding further and undergoing irreversible actions such as surgery.  The often lambasted one-year real life test prior to SRS does have a very serious purpose.

The tall man greatly helps the passability of these two transwomen.

In general, my own advice is if that you can afford them and need them, then use them:- hormones, breast augmentation surgery, a 'nose job', facial feminisation surgery, hair transplants, electrolysis, skin peels, fat transfer, etc.  But a very serious proviso is to always seek good quality professional medical advice, care and treatment - you get what you pay for and skimping is a big mistake.  To the physical changes you can add valuable aids such as voice training, makeup coaching, deportment lessons, grooming tuition... even cookery lessons (really, mine were a great laugh!). 

Make-up presents an immense challenge to inexperienced transwoman.  Poorly padded bras are easier to avoid with the advent of silicone inserts.

Assuming that physically you are reasonably feminine in appearance, then passing then often becomes all about the small things - things that are second nature for someone brought up as girl but entirely strange for a man - and things that Hollywood often has a field day over when a man impersonates a woman in a comedy. 

For example, I physically have too many "male" characteristics for comfort - too tall, big feet, voice.  But as an example of how small the margin between passing and not passing is - when my sister had rhinoplasty to reduce the size of her "family" nose I decided on impulse to join her for the same procedure.  The change was minimal but afterwards I was astonished at how many people now assumed that I was a woman - and this was years before I transitioned.

Sammy posted these passport photos of her before, during and after transition.

Unfortunately learning how to pass is far less fun than this picture of three transwomen might indicate.

In Between Two Stools
My second puberty - the period from when I first took hormones in 1994 (age 29) until I started to live full time as a woman at the end of 2000 - became ever more difficult.  Working as a "man" I knew that my appearance was increasingly odd. 

Examples of just some of the many problems I faced pre-transition included:

• How long could I grow my hair
• Realising my eyebrows were too heavily plucked
• Wearing shorts with shaved legs
• Reacting to half jokes about my "man boobs"
• Comments about my pierced ears

Gia and Allanah posing as sisters after after many years on hormones plus lots of surgery!

When I went out as a woman, I faced problems like:

• Did I have visible facial hair or a shaving rash?
• Passing a security check in the female queue
• Using female toilets
• Being groped
• My voice

But an upside was express entry to night clubs and often free drinks.

Learn Quickly
An adult (over 18) man trying to "pass" as a woman faces a constant and often high-risk challenge and obstacle course.  It is one thing to dream about being a woman, to actually try to live as a woman is quite another.

It's a real "chicken or the egg" situation - you can't successfully pass as a woman until you've lived as a woman, but you can't successfully live as a woman until you can pass as a woman!  It's also very hard to go to work and be accepted there as a woman until "being a woman" - with all its many downsides as well as upsides - becomes at least second nature. 

When I transitioned full-time, every time I appeared in public or had to interact with someone, I initially felt that I was acting" a female role.  However, when under pressure the human being is an amazingly quick learner.  As the months passed my instincts and responses become automatically 'female'.  I still caused slight puzzlement, but it got ever more rarer and more trivial.

The Covid Pandemic

The outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic in early 2020 resulted in 'lockdowns' around the world.  In the UK and Ireland, for two years people were encouraged or even legally required to stay at home.  Shops and schools closed, offices were empty, socialising was discouraged and long-distance travel became impossible.  Often only 'essential workers' were allowed to go to work, everyone else had to work at home if possible.  An unexpected result of the restrictions was the extraordinary increase in the number of transgender people transitioning.  The pandemic and lockdowns initially had a negative mental impact (like most of the rest of the population) on transwomen, but some re-appraised their situation and realised that it was a unique opportunity to transition without the stress of constantly facing other people.

Kelly in May 2022, age 28.

'Kelly' is a good example of this.  [Link removed at the request of Kelly].  Born in 1994 he knew as a teenager that she was a transwoman but didn't have the courage to publicly admit this.  Age 26, he was a Solution Consultant for a software company when the pandemic broke out.  From March 2020 he had to work remotely, using video conferencing tools such as Teams and Zoom.  He soon realised that he was often being identified on the calls as a woman - aided by his androgenous name.  He encouraged this 'mistake' by letting his hair grow (later aided with extensions) and discreetly wearing make-up.  After six months Kelly moved to another company as "she/her", she simultaneously transitioned and began taking hormones - initially contraceptive pills provided by her sympathetic sisters. 

Although the pandemic effectively ended in early 2022, Kelly continued to work remotely - indeed she had still not met her work colleagues in person by the end of the year!  However, she was now very confident about her ability to pass and had booked GCS for early 2023.  On social media, Kelly said that she was "in a relationship".  This referred to her long-standing friendship with a man she first met in 2011 i.e. 9 years before her transition.  They now have a strong boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Facial feminisation surgery (FFS) is often the next priority.  Prior to about 1995 this really just meant a nose job (rhinoplasty), but progress since then has been extraordinary.  For transwomen with deep pockets, and willing to stand the pain, an acceptably female - even attractive - face is often only a large cheque away.  When you are trying to pass in public as a woman every day, a cute nose and feminine jaw line matters far than the contents of your panties.

Aëla Chane after her transition.

Sex reassignment surgery (SRS) or Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) is sometimes, albeit surprisingly, a low priority.  Reasons for this include:

• The financial gains from prostitution as a shemale

• The cost and medical risks associated with the surgery

• Still enjoying an active sex life with a penis

• Her partner is firmly against the procedure

• Sexual libido is so low that she has no interest in having intercourse as a woman

Elle Bradford was born a boy (probably Jesse) in April 1992.  She started taking hormones and transitioned as Elle age 15, and then became one of the first "infuencers" on social media due to her fantastic style and dress sense.  Her ability to pass benefited from a slight stature (5ft 3in, 160 cm tall) and small feet (size 6 UK), but by age 25 she had also had facial feminisation surgery, breast augmentation and gender confirmation surgery.

The Cost of Transition
Transitioning often has many serious non-monetary costs, e.g. the loss of life-long friends and the rejection by one or both parents.  But the financial cost is nevertheless often the real disaster as income and savings vanish like snow in the summer.

From the left, Rodrigo entering the Big Brother House age 23; as Rebekah age 26 in a photo shoot shortly after she transitioned (with very obvious hair extensions!); and Rebekah age 34, after years on hormones and extensive surgery.

Rodrigo Lopes is one example.  Age 23 he stared in the 2009 UK edition of the TV reality show Big Brother.  A few years later she transitioned to Rebekah Shelton but found it very difficult to earn a living.  Allegedly she resorted to prostitution to fund her breast augmentation (2012), SRS (2014) and facial feminisation surgery (2015).  Although "sugar daddies" often take her on expensive holidays around the world, she apparently struggles to make ends meet when back home, and been nearly suicidal as a result.

Personally, transition had a devastating financial cost - my income dropped enormously.  In 2000, I was working as an IT industry on a salary of roughly £50,000/$75,000.  Post-transition my income collapsed as I went through multiple jobs, reaching zero when I was unemployed for several periods as I didn't qualify for dole!

By late 2002 I was broke and increasingly supported and financially dependent upon my boyfriend (now husband) when we moved in together - a situation I never imagined I would be in when I transitioned.

In 2004 I was delighted to accept a full-time job as a Sales Assistant, at just €22,000/$25,000 a year!

A quote from a young transwoman: "My sister was born with boobs and a vagina, I had to buy mine."  Maya and her cis-sister Emma.

As my income reduced, my outgoings increased.  Between December 2000 and July 2004 I spent £11,000 / $17,000 on doctors, hormones, laser hair removal, breast augmentation, orchiectomy (not SRS!) and a few other bits (blood tests, skin peel, dermatology).  That excludes other associated costs such taking as days off work and travel expenses. Also, the added financial cost of living as a woman was extraordinary.  At an absolute minimum I needed to spend €200 / $240 a month on clothes, make-up, hairdresser, etc. 

In 1998 Carlos Roberto Paz Wells became age 38 Veronica Paz Wells, an ex-husband and father of a daughter.  Many transsexuals only face their gender dysphoria when they hit middle age and transitioning is then very difficult.

The term "cost" can have other meanings as well.  Almost all women instinctively make a huge investment in both time and money on their appearance (i.e. improving their beauty and attractiveness to men) because that's what society expects and that's how they've been brought up.  As a man I guess I used to spend about 20-30 minutes a day showering, shaving, dressing, etc.  When I first transitioned I had to get up (in England in January!) at 5:00 am so that I had two hours to get myself ready for work.  I'm considerably more efficient and practiced now, but I still need to spend at least one hour a day on my grooming.  On top of that there's the gym, the dieting, the shaving, the Hair Salon ... whilst preparing for a big night out can dominate my life for days.  I don't like some of these aspects of womanhood, but some of my daily beauty routines have become such a habit that I can't remember doing them, particularly my early morning make-up which soon became an auto-pilot process. 

Two sisters, born boys but both transitioned before reaching 20.   . Transitioning over age 30 is often a case of almost but not quite passing.

The March of Time
The passage of time works savagely against the transgender woman, what is perhaps possible as a young teenager is dramatically different for adults.  There is all too frequently a divergence between intention and hopes at transition, and the brutal reality a few years afterwards.

Caitlyn Jenner had SRS age 65 and is shown age 67 before and after the help of a professional make-up artist.

Transgirls who begin hormones and transition as a teenager have a good chance of passing as female without any surgery; transwomen who transition in their 20's can often pass after some medical treatment;  whilst sadly those who transition in their 40's or later are rarely able to pass even after very extensive plastic surgery - Caitlyn Jenner being a high profile example - her facial feminisation surgery alone is reported to have cost $70,000.

Transwomen in their late 20's and early 30's often face an agonising "if only" situation.  They can almost but not quite pass, if they had just started hormones a few years earlier ... .    When I transitioned, the first year was very very tough. 

But to a limited degree, time then actually starts to work in favour of the transitioned woman who sticks with it.  Actions, responses, motions, stories, even feelings, that start off requiring conscious thought eventually become automatic. with experience.  I'm also certain that the effects of many years of hormones and later an orchiectomy slowly worked on my mind and body in many subtle ways: fat thighs and cellulite, an inability to do simple DIY tasks, crying for days when a hamster died, ... a growing obsession with my nails.   Like many transwomen who have been transitioned a decade or more, looking at old pre-transition photo's is like looking at a stranger. 

Photo's of Erin's journey from a 18 year old boy to a 22 year-old pre-SRS woman.
After two years on hormones she had breast augmentation surgery.

Students from two universities in Manchester (UK) who identify as LGBTA+

19 - A very educational magazine for the transwoman!

A Girl's Education
Before my transition I received some excellent advice - read magazines intended for teenage girls.  These are packed with advice on shopping, fashion and popular culture, and plenty of tips on sex and love for the inexperienced heterosexual women.  Whilst for a proportion you really do need to be a teenager, the rest became very important in helping me develop a female sexual orientation and point of view.   My favourite magazine was 19, which is slightly more mature than Bliss or Sugar, but far more helpful, entertaining and enjoyable than the likes of Marie Claire or Cosmopolitan.

A transwoman doing her make-up.  Girl's practice this from a young age and it can present an immense challenge to some transitioning women.

In the late 1990's I shared an apartment with a [girl]friend.  After a few months together I stopped hiding that I was transgender, indeed she - not me - first informed my mother about this.  When I asked for her help to improve my passability as a woman she found it difficult to accept this.  She was reluctant to share clothes or jewellery with me, and when I returned purchased matching dresses for us both she was not impressed.  Her biggest complaint became that I was copying her appearance and behaviour - which she hated.

A feminine physical appearance unsurprisingly helps passing.  (Gabrielle Schaffer)

I met my mother for the first time as Annie at an airport when she arrived for a visit.  Her initially flattering comments about my appearance and passability as a woman started to become increasingly critical as the days passed, I learnt a lot! 

My Experience - Transition and passing is hard, very hard

Transition is often assumed to be a brief period (perhaps just a day) when you move from living as a man to living as a woman.  I wish it was so easy and quick!

Aaron was rejected by Jared Naris as a boy.  She began taking hormones and later transitioned as Erin, age 20.  Two years later they began a relationship.

I consider that my transition spanned at least 10 years - from beginning to take oestrogen hormones in May 1994 to having what was still called sex reassignment surgery (SRS) in October 2004.  I could change the duration by using numerous alternative key dates, for example my first appearance in public as a woman, receiving my female passport, my orchiectomy, being granted a Gender Recognition Certificate ... but none are really a better start or end point.

"Annie?  I can't believe we've not met before!

By the summer of 2000 I had for years being going out as a woman to bar's and night club's, given the ever fewer problems I assumed that I could pass.  However, as a pre-transition test I went on holiday to the USA, intending to pass 24x7 as a woman after exiting the airport.  It was a horrible and very embarrassing surprise to discover that I wasn't passing.  Young women working in shops, dinners, etc. seemed to out me instantly.  But particularly brutal were children, I overheard a child asking her parents "is that a man?" whilst pointing at me - and I was wearing a dress.

In the next few months, I worked hard to "up my game", including: dieting; exercising, letting my head hair grow; plucking or depilation of unwanted hair; looking after my skin;  avoiding sunlight to lighten my skin (I was working in the Arabian Gulf); getting professional advice on my make-up; cultivating my nails; finding clothes and shoes that flattered me; and training my voice.

If I have to provide a specific date when I 'transitioned' then it was 15th December 2000 - the first day when I woke-up intending to live full-time as a woman.

Some transwomen describe the weeks after their transition as being the most exciting period of their life as they explore and discover living as a woman.  I just remember it as the most stressful and depressing period of my life.  One example of the unexpected problems I faced was the amount of time that I needed to spend every day on my workout, shower, make-up, hair, attire, touch-ups ... . I had done all this before pre-transition and it had often been enjoyable.  But now that I needed to do this routine every day, it soon started to become a chore.

Another shock was the financial cost of transitioning. A few years later I provided an article on my transition experiences to an Australian newsletter, an extract:

Now that I was living day-in day-out as a woman - and about to start working as a woman - I found myself needing a much bigger collection of clothes, shoes, jewellery, bags, accessories, et al.  The et al including a pile of items such as such as shampoo, conditioners, setting lotions, body lotion, skin moisturizer, facial applications, cosmetics and facial makeup, nail varnish and perfumes.  And that's before we even get into other essential items such as a good hairdryer and a lady shaver. 

Transition is only the start of the battle for passability.  Staycee (left) said "being only 5' 4" really made my transition much easier". Unfortunately many more transwomen are actually 6' tall and wear size 9 shoes like Tula (right), but lack her supermodel looks.

After New Year I went to work for the first time as a woman, and 2 January was a day I will never forget.  I had done a "dry run" and knew that I needed to get up at 6:00 am in order to get ready and then commute in.  To play safe, I set my alarm for 5:00 am - and needed every extra minute.  As I got ready, I increasingly panicked about going in to work for the first time as a woman - wearing a skirt suit, heals and makeup.  The bravest thing I've ever done was to walk into the company's lobby that morning.

The support of your close family is hugely helpful after transitioning.

The next few months were very tough.  I was far from comfortable with my new life and it was an enormously stressful and worrying time, not helped by realising that everyone at work knew that I was a transsexual.  It was horribly obvious that people were checking out every aspect of my physical appearance - face, bust, crutch, feet, hair ... .  It may not have been their intention, but it was happening.

I knew that I was not fitting in and it was no surprise when my contract was not extended after the initial three-month probation period.  I had made no friends and was became increasingly depressed - whilst trying hard not wonder if I had made a huge mistake by transitioning.

One big challenge was that I had not realised ehe problem that facial hair would give me when living full-time as a woman.  Whilst my beard growth was light, it was still abnormal for a woman and frequent close shaves resulted in a razor burn.  I should have sought laser treatment before I transitioned, rather than afterwards. 

"Wow Annie, you are a great kisser.  But ... but ... what is that I feel in your panties?"

My "bottom" was the other most problematic part my body. A full erection was no longer possible, but some swelling still occurred when sexually stimulated, usually by the proximity of a man that I found attractive as a woman! 

I knew any public observation or detection of my penis would be traumatic and potentially have very serious repercussions if this occured in a Ladies toilets.  I wasn't aware of the tucking techniques that are now widely posted on the Internet, I just wore a gaff under my panties to hold back my hormone shrunken penis and contain my similarly reduced testes.  If I needed to ensure a good appearance - e.g. for a presentation - I used a piece of duct tape to pull back my penis, but this was uncomfortable was only reliable for a few hours due to sweat slowly weaking the adhesion.   

Another big problem after transition was my voice.  Despite training, the reality was that on the brutal 'phone call test', strangers would usually identify me as a man.  All I could do was work hard to talk more softly and continue to try to train my voice to a naturally sounding higher pitch. 

A year after transitioning, I was close to despair; I had accepted ever lower paying jobs and had been out'ed in all three, I began to seriously wonder if I was doing the right thing. 

But it's rather like sitting on large scales.  You start off with the male side heavier and dominant.  You keep adding weight to the female side of the scales and it doesn't seem to make much difference - the male side is still "heavier" and people still identify you sooner or later as a man.  But if you keep adding weight to the female side, eventually adding just another a small feather will make that side the heavier and the balance suddenly swings to female.  

After thousands of hormone pills, two operations, three moves, four jobs and a lot of voice training, the scales finally tipped to female for me.  Two years after my transition  people were suddenly and consistently identifying me as a woman.  In yet another new job I was amazed to realise that I was comfortably passing as a woman day after day in a largely female working environment.  The feathers falling on the scales of my passability were individually light, but cumulatively they had finally reached a critical weight: my beard was gone; my appearance was unremarkable; my voice was acceptable; and I could confidently chat about babies, boyfriends and women's problems.

 

I had to make my own gaff's in the 1980's.  Decades later the Internet is a awash with everything from cheap gaffs (left) to sophisticated silicone vulva's (right) that even allow peeing.

A conundrum faced by transitioning transwomen is dealing with the resulting male attention if passable, and the risks if not.

However, I still couldn't not pass nude as a woman, be it in a women's changing room or being attacked by a rapist (and sadly many transwomen have been killed in such circumstances).  Finally having SRS/GCS nearly four years after transitioning was like moving from night to day in this regard.

It's taken many years of practice, hormones, medical procedures, and often brutal experiences to reach the point where I expect to be recognised as a woman.

 

Two transgirls in their 20's.  Youth and rigorous dieting aids passability immensely - but this is hard to maintain in to the 30's, 40's ... and can lead to bulimia.

Weight
One of the hardest battles I've fought since my transition is limiting my weight and waistline.  Between 1997 and 2000 I put on a stone (14lb, or over 6kg). The increase was perhaps partly age related, but one of the effects of oestrogen is to increase subcutaneous fat deposits - which inevitably means a gain in weight if countermeasures aren't taken.  Before my transition in late 2000 I made a determined effort to get my weight back down to 10st (140lb or 63½kg) - acceptable for my height of 5 ft 9 in.  This meant (for example) switching from bottles of lager to a Perrier water with a dash of orange juice when on a night out.  I made the weight loss, but a constant challenge since then has been keeping it there. 

Although I'm far less rigorous than I used to be (my 6:00 am workout is ancient history), on weekdays I do alternate between a jog on my running machine and on-line fat burning sessions.  Saturday is my off day, but every Sunday morning I go swimming for an hour.  Minding what I eat is also important, although I'm now just habitually careful rather than rigorously dieting. 

Margo, a pre-GCS transwoman, posted this photo.  Despite rigorous dieting she has the common problem of a substantial waist.

Keeping my weight down will never be easy but ironically a very helpful factor is the much-maligned social pressure on women (from my husband, other women, the media, ...) to stay slim.  I know from bitter experience that I only need to slip for a few weeks and my weight will soar again. 

Gossip and Maintaining a Consistent Story
In my first two jobs post-transition only one or two people supposedly knew of my transsexuality when I started.  Optimistically I hoped that this information would remain confidential (as they had promised) - I was fooling myself.  A combination of marginal passability and staff gossiping was a disaster which led to me to leaving jobs in tears. 

One of my biggest problems I still have (like many transsexuals) is that some people know my background while others don't.  Having the two groups mixing invites a disaster, so when my darling husband arranged a surprise birthday party, I nearly killed him!  I was completely stressed as my relatives and old friends mixed with new friends, some of whom were unaware of my past.

Valentia Sampaio was born a boy in December 1996.  She transitioned age 12 and was discovered as a female model aged 16.  The photo shows her working as lingerie model for Victoria's Secret in 2019.

A significant problem as a transsexual woman is that you may eventually get caught out contradicting yourself on some small point.  That risk will always be there, but transwomen going deep stealth gradually adjust their memories, e.g., recollections of their first "boyfriend" become totally ingrained in their memory after a while, and the responses and comments are automatic and very convincing. 

Over the years I've often have had to make up things on the fly to tell people who don't know of my transsexuality (particularly my colleagues at work) which I've since forgotten, and thus I may contradict myself in another spur of the moment situation.  Lacking "Total Recall", there's always the chance of later being caught on one small point that someone thought strange or remarkable at the time and remembered.  A particular problem is bumping into someone who remembers you - but you are struggling to remember them.  One or two minor gaffes can be laughed off or the other person made to doubt his/her memory, but eventually they may start to wonder what's going on. 

Three attractive women in a night club in 2020.  Incidentally, they are transgender.

An obvious problem faced by transwomen, particularly if pre-SRS/GCS, is dealing with men!  Some of the ridiculous offers that I said "No" to when I was transitioning in the Middle East included: an Arab who simply wouldn't give up telling me how beautiful I was and offered me ever more cash on the table in front of me to prove it; a lift proposed by a man in Lamborghini who said the car was mine if I accepted; and an invitation to a well-rewarded cruise on the luxury yacht owned by a Head of State.  The last was carefully described to me by his "agent" and didn't involve sexual intercourse - and I actually briefly considered it as it would pay for my surgery.

I always thought that I was very careful when I went out clubbing as a woman, and for many years I thought I had only slipped up once ... okay twice.  In neither case, I fortunately didn't end-up traumatised or abused.  But what was scary was discovering 20 years later on social media some photos posted by an old friend of me dancing and snogging with a guy - I have absolutely no recollection of that night!