Transitioning often has many serious non-monetary costs, e.g. the loss of life-long friends and the rejection by one or both parents.  But the financial cost is nevertheless often the real disaster as income and savings vanish like snow in the summer.

From the left, Rodrigo entering the Big Brother House age 23; as Rebekah age 26 in a photo shoot shortly after she transitioned (with very obvious hair extensions!); and Rebekah age 34, after years on hormones and extensive surgery.

Rodrigo Lopes is one example.  Age 23 he stared in the 2009 UK edition of the TV reality show Big Brother.  A few years later she transitioned to Rebekah Shelton but found it very difficult to earn a living.  Allegedly she resorted to prostitution to fund her breast augmentation (2012), SRS (2014) and facial feminisation surgery (2015).  Although "sugar daddies" often take her on expensive holidays around the world, she apparently struggles to make ends meet when back home and been nearly suicidal as a result.

Transition is often assumed to be a brief period (perhaps just a day) when you move from living as a man to living as a woman.  I wish it was so easy and quick!  I consider that my transition spanned at least 10 years - from beginning to take oestrogen hormones in May 1994 to having what was still called sex reassignment surgery (SRS) in October 2004.  I could change the duration by using numerous alternative key dates, for example my first appearance in public as a woman, receiving my female passport, my orchiectomy, being granted a Gender Recognition Certificate ... but none are really a better start or end point.

As a pre-transition test I went on summer holiday to the USA in 2020, intending to pass 24x7 as a woman after exiting the airport.  After years of being flattered by men in bars and night clubs it was a horrible surprise to discover that I wasn't passing.  Young women working in shops, dinners, etc. seemed to out me instantly.  But particularly brutal were children, I will never forget being in a queue and hearing a girl behind me asking her Mum "why is that man wearing a dress".  Devastating. 

In the next few months, I worked hard to "up my game": dieting; exercising, growing and styling my head hair; plucking or depilation of unwanted facial hair; looking after my skin; avoiding sunlight to lighten my skin (I was working in the Arabian Gulf); getting professional advice on my make-up; cultivating my nails; finding clothes, shoes and accessories that were appropriate to the circumstances but still flattered me; and training my voice.

After transition, a man seeking some intimacy with you is a wonderful and often much needed confirmation of your womanhood, even if you don't identify as a heterosexual woman.  Adele (left) and Katy (right).

I transitioned at the end of 2020.  Late on 14 December 2000 I checked in to a London hotel as Annie and the next morning I went down to breakfast to start my life as a woman. Some transwomen describe the weeks after their transition as being the most exciting period of their life as they explore and discover living as a woman.  I just remember it as being the hardest, most stressful and depressing period of my life.  On top of that was the continuous rigours of exercising, dieting, and hair depilation.  I had not realised the problem that facial hair would give me.  Whilst my beard growth was light, it was still abnormal for a woman and frequent close shaves resulted in a razor burn.  I should have sought laser treatment before I transitioned, rather than afterwards.

"Wow Annie, you are a great kisser.  But ... but ... what is that I feel in your panties?"

After New Year I went to work for the first time as a woman, and 2 January was a day I will never forget.  As a man I spent about 20 minutes getting ready for work in the morning - showering, shaving, dressing, etc. 

Aaron was rejected by Jared Naris as a boy.  She began taking hormones and later transitioned as Erin, age 20.  Two years later they began a relationship.

After a "dry run" I realised that I might need two hours and set my alarm for 5:00 am - and needed every minute.  As I got ready, I increasingly panicked about going in to work for the first time as a woman and wearing a skirt.  The bravest thing I've ever done was to walk into the company's lobby that morning at 9:00am.

The next few months were very tough and depressing.  It soon became obvious that everyone at work knew that I was transgender and were checking out every aspect of my physical appearance - face, bust, crotch, feet, hair ... .  It may not have been their intention, but it was happening.  I soon knew that I was not fitting in and it was no surprise when my contract was not extended after the initial three-month probation period.  I had made no friends and was became increasingly depressed - whilst trying hard not wonder if I had made a huge mistake by transitioning.

Whilst my first year transitioned was brutal, bitter experience and the resulting changes in my behaviour slowly worked in my favour.  Actions, responses, motions, comments, even feelings, that started off requiring conscious thought became automatic.  I also became considerably more efficient and practiced in my grooming - this reduced to a tolerable one hour a day.  Some of my daily beauty routines became such a habit that I couldn't remember doing them a few hours later, particularly my early morning make-up which became an only half-awake auto-pilot process.

Photos of Erin's journey from a 18 year old boy to a 22 year-old pre-SRS woman.
After two years on hormones she had breast augmentation surgery.

"Annie?  I can't believe we've not met before!

The support of your close family is hugely helpful after transitioning.

The effects of many years of hormones and later an orchiectomy also slowly worked on my mind and body in many subtle ways: fat thighs and cellulite, a lack of strength, crying for days when a hamster died, ... an odd obsession with my nails.  Looking at old pre-transition photo's is like looking at a stranger.

I knew any public observation or detection of my penis would be traumatic and potentially have very serious repercussions, e.g. if this occurred in a ladies toilet or changing room.  I wasn't aware of the tucking techniques that are now widely posted on the Internet, I just wore a gaff under my panties to hold back my hormone shrunken penis and contain my similarly reduced testes.  If I needed to ensure a good appearance - e.g. for a presentation - I used a piece of duct tape to pull back my penis, but this was uncomfortable and only reliable for a few hours due to sweat slowly weaking the adhesion.

Penelope spent many years debating if she was a transvestite or transsexual, before finally making the leap and transitioning.

Another big problem after transition was my voice.  Despite training, the reality was that on the brutal 'phone call test', strangers would usually identify me as a man.  All I could do was work hard to talk more softly and continue to try to train my voice to a naturally sounding higher pitch.

Just over a year after transitioning, I was close to despair after a disastrous period working as a Teacher's Assistant at a Nursery School.  I had accepted ever lower paying jobs and had been out'ed in all three.  I began to seriously wonder if I had made a huge mistake.  The only thing that kept me going was the support of a new friend who was working hard to become my boyfriend.   

Rylie Rae had doubts about her gender as a child, but nevertheless married and fathered a son before she transitioned.  Shown with her wife (right), age 25.

After thousands of hormone pills, many hours working on my makeup, a dozen facial electrolysis sessions, two surgical operations, three moves, four jobs and a lot of voice training, the scales finally tipped to female for me. 

18 months after my transition I was offered six-month contract at a college to replace a woman who was on maternity leave and was delighted to be accepted as a woman in a largely female working environment.  Two years after my transition, I risked taking a job at a toy store as a woman (stealth) and thankfully passed day after day - with both other staff and customers.  The feathers falling on the scales of my passability were individually light, but cumulatively they had finally reached a critical mass: my beard was gone; my appearance was unremarkable; my voice was acceptable; and I could confidently chat in the tearoom from increasing experience about boyfriends, children, and even women's problems. 

I was now usually wearing trousers, comfortable flat shoes, a nice warm top, and often no make-up beyond some quickly applied mascara and lipstick - not what I had envisioned when I transitioned!
  

I had to make my own gaff's in the 1980's.  Decades later the Internet is awash with everything from cheap gaffs (left) to sophisticated silicone vulva's (right) that even allow peeing.

A conundrum faced by transitioning transwomen is dealing with the resulting male attention if passable, and the risks if not.

However, a major problem was that I still couldn't not pass nude as a woman, be it in a women's changing room or being attacked by a rapist (and sadly many transwomen have been killed in such circumstances).  Having SRS/GCS nearly four years after transitioning was like moving from night to day in this regard.

It's taken many years of practice, hormones, medical procedures, and often brutal experiences to reach the point where I expect to be recognised as a woman.

The ruthless dieting of these two age-30-something transwomean greatly assits their passability.  But continuing this into their 40's is likely to lead to health problems.

Weight
One of the hardest battles I've fought since my transition is limiting my weight and waistline.  Between 1997 and 2000 I put on a stone (14lb, or over 6kg). The increase was perhaps partly age related, but one of the effects of oestrogen is to increase subcutaneous fat deposits - which inevitably means a gain in weight if countermeasures aren't taken.  Before my transition in late 2000 I made a determined effort to get my weight back down to 10st (140lb or 63½kg) - acceptable for my height of 5 ft 9 in.  This meant (for example) switching from bottles of lager to a Perrier water with a dash of orange juice when on a night out.  I made the weight loss, but a constant challenge since then has been keeping it there. 

Although I'm far less rigorous than I used to be (my 6:00 am workout is ancient history), on weekdays I do alternate between a jog on my running machine and fat burning sessions.  Saturday is my off day, but every Sunday morning I go swimming for an hour.  Minding what I eat is also important, although I'm now just habitually careful rather than rigorously dieting. 

Margo, a pre-GCS transwoman, posted this photo.  Despite rigorous dieting she has the common problem of a substantial waist.

Keeping my weight down will never be easy but ironically a very helpful factor is the much-maligned social pressure on women (from my husband, other women, the media, ...) to stay slim.  I know from bitter experience that I only need to slip for a few weeks and my weight will soar again. 

Gossip and Maintaining a Consistent Story
In my first two jobs post-transition only one or two people supposedly knew of my transsexuality when I started.  Optimistically I hoped that this information would remain confidential (as they had promised) - I was fooling myself.  A combination of marginal passability and staff gossiping was a disaster which led to me to leaving jobs in tears. 

One of my biggest problems I still have (like many transsexuals) is that some people know my background while others don't.  Having the two groups mixing invites a disaster, so when my darling husband arranged a surprise birthday party, I nearly killed him!  I was completely stressed as my relatives and old friends mixed with new friends, some of whom were unaware of my past.

Valentia Sampaio was born a boy in December 1996.  She transitioned age 12 and was discovered as a female model aged 16.  The photo shows her working as lingerie model for Victoria's Secret in 2019.

A significant problem as a transsexual woman is that you may eventually get caught out contradicting yourself on some small point.  That risk will always be there, but transwomen going deep stealth gradually adjust their memories, e.g., recollections of their first "boyfriend" become totally ingrained in their memory after a while, and the responses and comments are automatic and very convincing. 

Three young women in a night club in 2020.  Incidentally, they are transgender.

An obvious problem faced by transwomen, particularly if pre-SRS/GCS, is dealing with men!  Some of the ridiculous offers that I said "No" to when I was transitioning in the Middle East included: an Arab who simply wouldn't give up telling me how beautiful I was and offered me ever more cash on the table in front of me to prove it; a lift proposed by a man in Lamborghini who said the car was mine if I accepted; and an invitation to a well-rewarded cruise on the luxury yacht owned by a Head of State.  The last was carefully described to me by his "agent" and didn't involve sexual intercourse - and I actually briefly considered it as it would pay for my surgery.

Monica transitioned in her mid-20's.  A screen shot from a TV documentary.

I always thought that I was very careful when I went out clubbing as a woman, and for many years I thought I had only slipped up once ... okay twice.   But what was scary was discovering 20 years later on social media some photos posted by an old friend of me dancing and snogging with a guy - which I have no recollection of.  That inevitably makes me wonder if there were any other nights where I got too tipsy or perhaps even had a spiked drink.   I fortunately didn't end-up being sexually attacked or physically abused - as far as I can remember.

Six young transwomen - some several years transitioned, others not yet full-time.

Fount of Knowledge

One of the oddest things after transition was how everyone suddenly assumed that I now knew things that I had never had to know or memorise before.  Just a few examples:

• The dates of family weddings, anniversaries, christenings, the birthday of distant relatives
• Where my partner had left his passport after last using a year ago (I hadn't even met him then!)
• A forensic knowledge of medical conditions, medications and painkillers
• My dress and bra size at specific stores such as Zara, M&S, Oliver Bonas, Karen Millen and H&M
• The secret receipe for the Christmas stuffing that Granny (RIP) had cooked
• The calorific content and glutan status of comfort foods.