Transwomen and Sex
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Sexual Intercourse
The above quotation certainly doesn't apply to all transsexual women, but most can relate to most of it.
Physiology
Whilst the use of an expensive but highly rated surgeon and clinic can maximise the odds of the successful creation of a neo-vagina, there is always some risk of complications. Most post-SRS/GCS women end-up having at least one follow-on surgical procedure on their bottom genitalia. This may be only to improve the visual appearance of the vulva, but all too often its needed to try to fix serious problems such as poor healing, constant pain due to nerve damage, excessive bleeding, damage to the urinary tract, lack of depth and frequent infections. Sexual intercourse is thus the last thing that some post-GCS women want or need until their physical problems are resolved.
For many post-GCS women, their first sexual experiences after surgery will strongly influence their future sexuality. However, transwomen have radically different physical and mental experiences when they have intercourse after GCS. For example, one transwoman in her late 20's said after her first night with a man after GCS, "I had discovered sex ... a new hobby ... more boys into bed!". But for others the experience can be a huge disappointment, one transwoman in her early 40's says of her first experience after GCS with a man: "Just worried [beforehand] ... [then] I was bored ... [now] have to change the sheets". Another now married transwoman admits "I don't have the sex drive I had as a boy ... my husband wants sex all the time but I limit it to maybe every other night as it's so boring."
Even worse, some post-GCS women find that the penetration of their neo-vagina by a penis to be painful, and that all too often intercourse leads to yeast infections and UTIs. Yeast infections cause itching, pain and vaginal discharge. UTIs cause urinary problems such as a frequent urge to urinate and painful urination. Perhaps inevitably there seems to be a degree of correlation between sexual satisfaction and successful physical feminisation, including age of transition and high-quality surgery. Good physical feminisation results in more relationships with attractive and 'sexy' partners, and hopefully more enjoyable physical sensations during everything from kissing, petting and nipple sucking, to clitoris stimulation and vaginal penetration. Individual priorities also vary dramatically, as the requests made of surgeons in relation to constructing or enhancing the female secondary sexual characteristics of transsexual women show. By a large margin the first surgery sought by transsexual women is actually breast augmentation, not SRS. Facial feminisation surgery is often the next priority. Prior to about 1995 this really meant just a nose job (rhinoplasty), but progress since then has been extraordinary. For many transwomen with deep pockets and willing to stand the pain, an attractive female face is often only a few large cheques away.
Sex reassignment surgery is often the last item on the surgery list. Whilst a small number of usually very young transwomen prioritise this before anything else, the sheer cost (both financially and in time) of the procedure results in it having to be deferred. Instead a priority is given to hormone treatment and cheaper surgical procedures with visible returns such as orchiectomy, breast augmentation, facial feminisation, tracheal shave and voice feminisation. For older women there seems to be a divergence between stated intentions when first seeking surgery, and the reality when speaking to the surgeon just before having the procedure. At "crunch time" they often a prioritise a natural looking vulva area and sensitive clitoris suited to masturbation and lesbian relationships, over a deep vagina suited to coitus and penile penetration. How much this last-minute openness actually affects the imminent surgical procedure is a moot point.
Regardless of increasing gender diversity in the 21st century, there is no doubt that the vast majority of young (under 30) transwomen have a strongly female heterosexual orientation and libido - before and after surgery. An intense desire to be f*cked as a woman by a man is commonplace, one young transgirl describes her SRS at 18 and early sexual experiences:
Many young girls make up for lost time after their surgery. For example:
These women are all passable and had SRS in by their twenties. Unfortunately, many older post-SRS transsexual women who desperately desire and seek sex with men as a woman find that their mature age and poor passability means that such occurrences are rare - and associated depression and disillusionment is not unusual. However there are a few exceptions:
But there are also many transwomen who consider themselves as to be heterosexual, but in practice have little interest in actual sexual intercourse. For example, Samantha Kane (who had SRS at age 37) concluded after five boyfriends that sex as a woman was rather boring - indeed far less interesting than the preliminaries to a big night out such as a shopping trip. Also, things can take a devastating turn for the worse. Angel, who had SRS age 17, discovered a year later that her apparently devoted 38-year old boyfriend was also sleeping with her still married mother. When challenged, her mother brutally said "once you became a woman you became a threat", and that men preferred "a real pussy". The Lure of Money The sexual image of transsexual women has been distorted by the prevalence of pre-SRS 'shemales' working as prostitutes, with a functional penis. Many transgender women claim that the only way they could fund the high cost their sex-reassignment/gender confirmation surgery was by working as she-male prostitute. This has become a huge world-wide industry, and very lucrative for the girls and minders involved. Even excluding Asian and South American girls, empirical evidence indicates that a third to a half of all young pre-operative transsexuals have accepted money for sex. Large numbers of transwomen are being embarrassed when unexpectedly faced with photos and other evidence taken from porn sites years earlier.
Some lucky shemales (generally in their teens or early twenties) may find "sugar daddies" who are willing to support them financially, and even pay for medical treatment and surgery. The latter is usually for breast augmentation, but may extend to SRS/GRS - which can be very difficult to refuse even if they have serious doubts. Sadly, many shemale prostitutes who have radical 'bottom surgery' to their male genitalia soon regret this. The subsequent frequent use of sexual aids such as a strap-on penis raises serious questions as to why they had the surgery.
Gender Euphoria In recent years the concept of Gender Euphoria has been identified, this means being very satisfied that your physical sexual appearance and a lifestyle that matches your mental gender. It is effectively the opposite of Gender Identity Dysphoria (GID) - where extreme dissatisfaction leads to transition and radical surgery. An essential component of Gender Euphoria for a transwoman is usually the ability to successfully have sexual intercourse as a woman after MTF gender confirmation surgery. A few post-surgery transgender women experience sexual excitement and even orgasms just from seeing their feminised body, breasts and neo-vagina. Going Mental During foreplay and love making, women are more likely to imagine that they are making love to an out-of-reach object of desire (film star, pop star, etc) than men. Perhaps less comfortably, many girls also have private fantasies involving sadomasochism, sexual harassment, assault and rape, which they use as stimulation during masturbation. According to Dr Alfred Kinsey, 2% of women can reach orgasm from fantasising alone!
For many heterosexual transwomen, the act of vaginal penetration by a man causes extreme mental excitement which quickly leads to an orgasm, i.e. very little actual physical stimulation is required. On the other side, for a lesbian transwomen a mass orgy with the Chippendales studs is just a waste of lubricant, whilst just holding hands with a XX girlfriend in public is sexually exciting.
Sexual Desire and Enjoyment As ever studies are rare, but the limited available evidence suggests that transsexual women generally resemble genetic females rather than males in their patterns of sexual activity and associated temperamental traits. On average, when compared with genetic women, transsexual women:
After surgery many (but certainly not all!) post-GRS transwomen have a relatively low libido, and often an unwanted bias towards their anus rather than vaginal areas for physical sexual stimulus and enjoyment. Whilst most post-GRS transwomen claim in surveys to be delighted by their sexual experiences post-surgery, as the months pass a large percentage become increasingly bored with coitus as they go through the motions with a partner.
During coitus with a man, the average transwomen who began hormones after puberty suffers from the fact that her pelvis has a different structure from a genetic woman, in particular the pelvic inlet is smaller and has a different shape and slope, as a result the position of the her vulva and neo-vagina is sightly but noticeably different from cis-women. This can prevent or make painful some common sexual positions, particularly if the man's penis has a large girth. Also, unless the surgery has been of exceptional quality, she will have less clitoral stimulation than the average genetic woman, and the traditional 'missionary' position may give little physical stimulus. Many transwomen find that the girl on top approach, e.g. the 'cow girl' position, is most likely to lead to mutual enjoyment and an orgasm. This allows her to find the optimum angle for vaginal penetration, facilitates stimulation of the clitoris area, enables fondling of her breasts, and still permits some enjoyable kissing.
The libido of women seems to decline slower than their fertility, but still faster than men - particularly if 45+ and in a long-term relationship where the availability of sexual opportunities doesn't make the heart grow fonder. In recent years there has been a lot of media coverage about well-heeled 40-something single female's seeking 'toy boys', but a much larger number of mature men are 'sugar daddies' for far younger women.
As far as I can make out there has been no research that correlates the libido and sexual activity of genetic women with post-SRS transsexual women an age related basis. In the UK the typical MTF transsexual has SRS surgery when age 35 to 45 - this creates considerable possibilities as regards both the level of their libido, and the nature and level sexual activity in the years before and after surgery. My own suspicion is that a young MTF transwomen has a below average level of sexual activity before SRS, but an above average one afterwards. An extreme and disturbing example is a young transwoman who shocked me be revealing that as teenage boy he had never had sex with a girl, but he/she was repeatedly raped by her boss - the head chef at the hotel she worked at. She had SRS age 20 and joined an airline as cabin crew, in two years she then had intercourse with 40 different men.
Despite the many claims and posts on social media by transwomen describing how wonderful their first experience of vaginal sex/coitus with a man was, the reality for most is that it's rather closer to a dentist appointment. You know you need to do it, but are nervous and hoping it won't be too painful, and glad when it's all over. I think my own experience of sex is a typical of most adult transgender women after GCS. It initially felt very strange, a bit worrying, and far from comfortable - certainly not a 'turn on' - to have an erect penis vigorously disrupting my still healing neo-vagina and internal nether parts. As the months passed we both learnt what worked for us, and the sensation became more enjoyable. Eventually - aided by mental fantasies - I finally had an orgasm some two years after surgery. The problem then became that when I did get sexually excited I always wanted more - and my partner couldn't always manage it! A decade after surgery, my nerve endings and physical feelings are still concentrated in my clitoris and vaginal entrance, with little physical sensation internally. My pragmatic conclusion is that sexual intercourse post-GCS involves keeping your partner happy and satisfied, finding ways of getting stimulated yourself, and if lucky being rewarded by the occasional orgasm. But above all else, try to avoid UTI's!
Two decades after I first wrote this article, the internet and social media features many young and attractive looking transwomen post-GCS who proudly proclaim after a date (and presumably sexual intercourse) with a man that "he never knew that I was trans". I find this type of boasting slightly disturbing. Shemale prostitutes, most commonly from Asia and South America, have for decades competed for the number of clients they service as a "woman" before one discovers that they have a penis. This seems to has evolved in to some post-SRS women competing for how many male partners they can bed before one realises that she once had a penis. Many of these transwomen take hormones and have surgery to make money from male sugar daddies. If they don't meet and marry a rich man and thus transition permanently, some revert to a male gender in their 30's, despite having radical and irreversible surgery such as vaginoplasty.
But even stranger are the social media accounts of men having vaginoplasty
and other femnisation surgery so
that they can experience having sex as a woman. They
apparently intend after a few years to de-transition and have surgery
to reconstruct their penis. Last updated: 17 January 2021
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Crystal Warren (right) confessed on a British TV talk-show to
having a sex addition and claimed to have slept with more than a
thousand men - "I was sleeping with up to seven men a day and
even now I can’t go more than 24 hours without sex". The
next day the Sun newspaper revealed that 42 year-old
Crystal
had been born Christopher, and had a
sex-change operation age 35
Whilst trying to ignore the controversy about
The
limitations of even the most aesthetically successful
sex-reassignment surgery seems likely to account for the last
two points. There is also no doubt that like other women, the
libido and sexual enjoyment of transsexual women can vary from
negligible to intense, whether or not they are classified as
lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual.
To simulate libido and vaginal excitement, the
best answer is determined daily masturbation (up to 30 minutes
or orgasm) using aids such as pornography and vibrators.
If libido remains very low, taking small doses of testosterone
can help - whilst considered to be a 'male' hormone, post-SRS
transwomen often have lower blood levels of testosterone than
genetic women.
For
genetic women the reality is that their fertility peaks in their
late teens when they have an 80+% chance of getting pregnant in
any 12-month period if regularly having unprotected sex.
It's no coincidence that women are (putting all correctness
aside) at their most
The
fertility of men (based in sperm count) probably starts to
decline even before women but the average man is actually older
than the average women when they have their first acknowledged
child. Also, the fertility of 35+ men declines more slowly than
women, and many men remain technically fertile in to their 50
and even 60's.
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