It's Hard to Hide
 The digital trail is simply too great to avoid
eventual discovery. The corollary is that we moving to a world
where we accept that a significant proportion of woman are
genetically XY and significant proportion of men are genetically XX.
And another significant proportion are gender neutral.
Perhaps the final word here should go to a
transwoman - Talisa Garcia - who was outed by
UK newspaper in 2005 after an affair with a celebrity: "Everyone has
skeletons in their closet - only mine is bigger than most."
Nevertheless, in 2020 Talisa was a leading actress in the TV series
Bapitiste.

Six examples of 'Selfie' photos
posted by transwomen on their social media accounts
and subsequently widely shared. Three are by openly transgender women,
the other three are by transwomen apparently trying to
go stealth as they had removed trans indicators from
their profiles.
|
|
 |
This innocuous photo (left) of four female friends on
the beach was posted on a social media site.
However, one viewer spotted that the girl on the right
seemed to have an Adam's Apple and breast
implants. A few hours later she was named as a French transwoman and the
possibility that the other girls were also transgender
was being
investigated
and discussed by posters. |
If
you are stealth, it's really not a great idea to go out
in public with two friend's who are openly transgender.
It's an even worse idea if they are famous and likely to
be asked for photo's by a passer by! |
Television
Television
has developed a passion for including a transwoman in every reality TV series – with the lady
in question usually (but not always) being very passable
before eventually being out’ed in some way.
The genesis of this probably occurred in early 2004 when Sky
broadcast to the UK a reality TV series called there’s
Something about Miriam.
This
involved six male contestants spending three weeks at
a villa in Ibiza trying to woo a pretty 21-year-old Mexican
pre-op transsexual woman called Miriam Rivera in order to
win the prize. Only at the end were the supposedly
shocked contestants told about Miriam's "something",
although from previously shown conversations they clearly
had a suspicion. The contestants then began a legal action
against the producers claiming conspiracy to commit sexual
assault. Their lawyer said: "The men had no idea that Miriam
was a transsexual. ... They are horrified because there are
shots of them snogging, cuddling and groping her." Sky
settled the case for £125,000 ($200,000) each.
A
few months later the fifth series of Big Brother UK
started. 27-year old Nadia Almada was a popular
housemate who whilst not worried about hiding her generous
buxom
from fellow contestants, did keep secret the fact
that she was a post-SRS transgender woman - although viewers
were informed. After 71 days in the Big Brother house, she
emerged as the winner, securing a massive 74% of the votes and
winning £63,500.
These two programmes set a formula that has been used
numerous times since, a few more examples from the UK:
In 2015, MTV's Ex on the Beach
included 30 year old Larissa Alicia Summers as the cast member 'Laura',
listing her with the improbable age of just 22! She
had been outed by newspapers in 2009 when working as a
pin-up model, and it was no real shock when another
contestant called her "a man".
In 2019, Channel 4, showed in the UK the short series
Gender Quake, where eleven strangers of different gender
identities and sexualities shared a house for a week. Given
the nature of the programme, it wasn’t a great surprise
when 23-year old
Cambell Kenneford revealed that she was a post-SRS
transwoman.
Finally,
the
BBC 3 reality series Heartbreak Holiday - also shown
in 2019 - followed the amorous adventures of ten
20-somethings on a month long vacation in the Greek islands.
Maxine Heron (age 24) introduced herself to viewers as a
transwoman at the start of episode 1. But she was
completely passable and it was half-way
through the series before she announced to her clearly shocked companions that she
was “trans”, having transitioned age 16.

Emel Aydan, born in 1951 as Erdoğan Kaşif
(inset), is a Turkish
porn star who appeared in many films in
the 1970's - often co-staring her
step-mother! The fact that Emel was a
MTF transsexual
was never even hinted. |
Sexual Intercourse
Sexual intercourse can be a give-away for a transsexual woman,
particularly when partnering with a sexually experienced man - often
the hunky and masculine type that a newly post-SRS woman is seeking
out. Possible
problems include any of: obvious scare tissue; a vulva with a
strange appearance; vaginal hair; a bad smell, the vagina entrance
is oddly positioned, the vagina is tight and narrow, unsatisfactory
depth; and a lack of lubrication.
Thankfully with modern surgical techniques the chance of
an immediate exclamation of "Oh my god, what is that" by the man on
seeing his FTM partners vulva has decreased
very considerably in recent years. Going further, the happy coincidence
of a pelvic girdle (bones) with
intermediate sexual proportions and a good result from a top surgeon
will leave male lovers very contented and some natal women
very jealous - but this is a best case.
A few transwomen are lucky enough to meet a "true
love" whilst still pre-op. Her sex reassignment surgery can then be shared
experience, and the subsequent intercourse "wonderful", no matter how
bad it actually is! In practice, most transwoman break their
virginity as a woman with an experienced heterosexual man. If
he's unaware of her past, this poses significant risk, particularly
if she is at an age where sexual inexperience as a female might seem
very strange.

Some very passable transwomen are out'ed due to poor quality
'bottom' surgery. |
The British comedian Bob Monkhouse relates in his
autobiography Crying with Laughter how after a show he was
approached by a buxom and "beautiful blonde dancer from the chorus line"
and "one dinner later enjoyed a night of passion".
However, her vagina gave him no
satisfaction, he described the feeling during intercourse as being mushy and blocked, "it was like plunging your feet into an apple-pie bed".
At breakfast the next morning the poor girl admitted to him that she had recently had a
sex change operation, and that he was the first man she had ever had
intercourse with. Bob then belatedly remembered him/her
from the male chorus line at his show in Glasgow a few months
earlier. Bob is reasonable about this (at least in the book),
but many men might not be.

Top, a 2014 photo
from Sun Jing-Ya's Facebook site, below the photo on her still male ID card
dated 2009. |
A complete contrast to Bob's girl is the story of
Sun Jing-Ya or 'Linda'. Born in China in 1989 as Luo Yue, she worked the streets for several years as a shemale to fund her
sex-reassignment surgery in 2012, age 22. She then quickly
became renowned for her sexual skills and techniques as a woman, and
within months was able to charge VIP's $3000 for a one-hour session!
Prostitution is illegal in China and her success eventually led to
her being arrested in 2015 and being made an example of. At
her trial the prosecution claimed that she had been paid nearly
$100,000 to attend a three-day orgy with wealthy businessmen.
They
also unexpectedly produced evidence showing that she had been born male -
undoubtedly to the shock of many of her former clients. She
was jailed for four years.
Whilst
the above stories are worrying, in practice many recently post-SRS
woman many transwomen are eager - even frantic - to have sex with a
man after their GRS. It might not be Romeo and Juliet,
but they want build sexual experiences comparable to women 10, 20 or
even 30 years younger. A common method is to one night
stands with a drunken but horny young man at a night club - even a
mature and unattractive women has a good chance at the end of the
night if sex is on offer for free.

The 1978 semi-documentary "Let Me Die a Woman" has many
faults, but the scene showing a transwoman (probably an actress)
facing the consequences of having sex too soon after her SRS/GRS
is still relevant. |
Bob's anecdote hints at a common problem, prematurely having
vigorous intercourse can cause serous damage to a neo-vagina.
Surgeons generally recommend at least a six week delay before having
intercourse after surgery, but one study found that 1 in 5
transwomen have intercourse before that - usually voluntarily but
sometimes after intense pressure from their partner. Based on
my experience I would strongly advice against a stealth transwoman
trying to break her virginity as a woman with a stranger (one night
stand?) until at least six months after surgery. By
that time the scars from the surgery will have faded significantly
whilst the pubic hair will have regrown, so being viewed naked under
a strong light or even in daylight will hopefully not be a disaster.
Also, six months of vaginal healing,
dilation and post-natal exercises, perhaps combined with a little bit of
rehearsal with a dildo whilst watching porn videos will help to give
him a good sexual experience - and hopefully yourself as well when
nervousness fades.
Whilst a disappointing vagina is the most common
give away during sexual intercourse, obvious and poor quality
breast augmentation doesn't help.
A variant of this problem is Gemila, who had SRS age 36. She
had led an active sex life
with multiple male partners
for several years with no problems, but one night in bed her
boyfriend suddenly said "you're a transsexual man, don't deny it".
He had the terminology slightly wrong, but she didn't deny it.
The giveaway was that her breasts were
far to pert and teenage-like for a woman of about 40. Puzzled,
he had done some research on the internet and the decisive factor
was discovering that Gemila's small areolae were characteristic of a
transwoman.

Nadia Almada
(above right) outed herself by entering Big Brother UK 2004.

A
News of the World headline in July 2009 -
"Lingerie model
Lisa was
once a man called Louis (and her boyfriend didn't know)" |

Teddy
Quinlivan (shown age 21) was a top-100 female model for two years
before outing herself as a transsexual. Her limited breast
development drew no attention, indeed she was used as a body
model for store mannequins! |
Transwomen Outing Themselves
Some transsexual women who achieve deep stealth then seem to have an urge to "play with fire" and
start to take ever increasing risks. For example: starting to
revisit old haunts, taking on a job or role with a high public
profile, excessive surgery, an affair with a celebrity, posting
topless or even nude photos on the internet, becoming a politician,
making false claims that are easily to checked. An extreme
example is Lana Woods, who starred as a woman in several porn films
in the early 1990s, allegedly without the producer knowing her past.
Some stealthy transsexuals eventually
decide to 'out'
themselves. This is most often done by transwomen who
successfully transition when young, but in middle age decide to come
out as being a transsexual woman - usually in support of the wider trangender community.
A few examples include
Lynn Conway,
Aleshia
Brevard and Anna Taylor.
There
are also instances where stealthy transwomen appear to have decided
for financial reasons to sell their story to the media, examples in
the UK possibly include Nadia Almada,
Angel Paris Jordan, and
Lisa Du Preez.
Nadia (born Jorge
'Carlos' Leodoro in 1977) transitioned when she moved to the UK from
Madeira in 1999 and had her SRS a few years later. She
won a £65,000 prize by
intriguing housemates and television viewers when, age 27, she
participated in the UK version of television reality show
Big Brother in 2004. She went into the house
stealth but housemates began to wonder if she was TS after just a few days.
The program's producers already knew that she was a transsexual, and soon the
rest of the world did as well.

Jackie
McAuliffe, age 28 |
Lisa's story appeared in various newspapers and
magazines with tabloid suitable quotes such as "When I met my fiancé ... in a pub a
year ago we hit it off right away but I didn’t tell him about the
surgery."
Jackie McAuliffe
is perhaps an extreme example of this. Born Jason, she
transitioned age 20 and had SRS when 25. She was fortunate
enough to be a totally as a woman and in the late 1990's she worked
for several years as a [female] prostitute, sleeping with hundreds
of men. But she was very publically outed (albeit presumably
with Jackie's consent) in the BBC docu-drama Paddington Green
- briefly becoming the most famous transsexual in Britain.
The BBC paid her very little and a new career as a musician quickly
came to nothing; she readily admitted to financial difficulties in
the follow on program Jackie's Story. Since then she has
married and changed her name, the passage of time and a low profile
life style has allowed her to slip back in to stealth but the trail
of evidence means that she can never be totally sure that she won't
be recognised as a transsexual.

Céline Van Den Bossche |
Whilst at primary school, Van Den Bossche knew that he was
different from the other boys. He began wearing make-up and
dressing as a girl. When age 15, she transitioned, adopted the the forename Celine and began female hormone treatment. Age 18, she
underwent a sex change operation and was now legally a woman in
Belgium. Four years later she was working as a hair dresser
and in all aspects of her life was living as a woman. Perhaps
unwisely
she entered and won a local beauty contest. As a result, she
qualified for the Miss Belgium contest and strong local
support made her one of the
favourites. However, a reporter from Laatste Nieuw did
some research and interviewed her just before the contest, in answer to a question she
admitted
"I'm transgender, so what?". Now out'ed, she was
a shock elimination in the preliminary round.

Eve began
taking oestrogen hormones in her teens and had SRS age 20. |
A common problem is becoming too confident in your ability to
pass. For example, Eve was already stealth when she had
SRS age 20. She was subsequently so confident about her
ability to pass physically that she unwisely posted a "soft porn" video
of herself. Unfortunately viewers quickly identified
give-aways such as scaring in her vulva area and she was outed.
Another example is Indonesian born Monica, she had SRS at a young age and went stealth
when in 1993 she met and soon married a Dutch man, Jan, who was
nearly twenty years older.
She moved with him to the Netherlands and they were happily married for
19 years, until Jan discovered in 2012 that his wife was
advertising herself on-line as being available to young men.
In
addition, some of her customers commented in reviews that she was a
post-SRS transsexual rather than a natal cis-woman.
Jan confronted his wife who admitted she had indeed been born a
man. He
had never suspected anything -
Monica took contraceptive pills (she didn't want kids and he
had accepted this) and every month she apparently had a period and used sanitary
towels. The only slight giveaway in Jan's hindsight was
the need to use a lubricant when they had sexual intercourse.

Jan looking at a picture of his wife Monica in happier days. |
Jan sought to have the marriage annulled, claiming 'I feel I've been assaulted
[sexually]' but changes in the
law since 1993 meant that this was impossible as Monica was
legally a woman in the Netherlands and the marriage was thus valid.
As of 2015, Jan and Monica are still technically married and
they even still live in the same house, although apparently
rarely speaking.
Other major risks are also involved with trying to go partially stealthy, e.g. going
"stealth" at work but "out" with friends and
family. Inevitably this division will not work long term.
Confiding ones transsexuality to a partner or best friend with an
oath of secrecy is extremely risky - human nature being what it is
the word will almost inevitably slowly spread. The temptation
or even need to reveal one's background in order to get a job,
obtain a bank loan, during a medical, etc., is also often great, but
again this breaks the stealth rules and increases the risk of
eventually being out'ed.
Social media has become nightmare when going stealth, with many
transwomen managing legacy "him" accounts as well as new "her"
accounts.

This photo of contestants during a beauty
contest at
a holiday resort was posted on a popular social network. One of
the participants
accidentally
used an
old account to add
a comment, which
unfortunately
revealed that she was
transgender. |

I can't resist
including this photo from the 2012 Miss Transsexual contest
held in Pataya, Thailand. The tuck of the girl in the
centre has failed and an erection is very obvious! |
Another
example of the potential issues is 17 year-old transgirl Sarah Green who was successfully
passing and developing as a young woman
- "the first time I went out as a woman I felt really embarrassed
but it was brilliant too. I wasn't hiding anymore". She
wanted other young transsexuals to know that "they don't have to be
ashamed of who they are" and so she agreed to
appear on Blunt - a teens' TV programme But an unfortunate result
of outing
herself so publicly was that people on her street now knew that she was a transsexual, and shouted
abuse at her.

Victoria Beltran with Admiral General Aladeen (aka Sacha Baron Cohen)
in the The Dictator (left), and 'guarding' him at a publicity event
(right). |
A high profile case is the story of Victoria Beltran.
She was probably born in February 1979 - although 1987 is also
stated in some press reports. It's likely but not
certain that she transitioned and became Victoria
when she moved
to New York
age 15, and had SRS age 18. She then went deep
stealth, working occasionally as a model (e.g. Maxim Magazine, Dior, L’Oreal) or extra in TV shows (e.g.
Law
& Order and Ugly Betty).
In 2009 she married
Brett Bergman, who was apparently unaware that she was a transsexual.
In 2011 Victoria
was selected
to be one of the mini-skirted "Virgin Guard" in Sacha Baron Cohen’s
movie The Dictator, briefly appearing in the movie and
rather more prominently at subsequent PR events in 2012. She became worried that
she would be out'ed (which indeed occurred in May 2013) and thus
revealed to her husband that she was transgender
and had SRS . Shocked, he sought comfort
with a female work colleague, Katarzyna Sakowicz, and they began an
affair. Victoria discovered this and
started to make threatening phone calls to Katarzyna, who eventually
contacted the police - resulting in Victoria being arrested in May
2013 on harassment charges. Victoria then said “I’m more a woman than she’ll [Katarzyna] ever be!”, and
claimed
that her
husband actually "knew the whole time” about her past.
Her husband has since filed for divorce.
Marriage
and Children
A huge pressure faced by stealthy and physically passable transwoman in their 20's and 30's is
to marry. The vast majority do indeed marry a
man but they then face intense pressure to have children - with
constant hints and reminders that the biological clock is
ticking and that they need to have children before it's too late.

A still from the film Carlotta, Carol with
her future mother-in-law expressing her hope that she will soon be a
Grandmother. |
The Australian film Carlotta -
based largely on the autobiographies of pioneering transwoman
Carol Byron-
includes a study of how her marriage was
destroyed by her mother-in-law's expectation of grandchildren.
She had SRS in 1971 but her autobiographies may not fully document
this period of her life and it's unclear how accurate the film is.
One speculation is that in 1975 she met and married in London a man
with the surname Spencer whilst stealth, she certainly used the name
Carol Spencer for several years thereafter.
In the 1970's and
1980's a stealthy transwoman could claim that she was infertile
due to an unstated medical conditions, and this would be accepted.
However, advances
in medical science mean that trying to make such a claim in the
2010's will instead lead to "helpful" suggestions of
various tests and treatments.

When transwoman Carmen Carrera married her longstanding boyfriend, she became the stepmother of his two
daughters from a previous marriage. |
Given the current impossibility of actually bearing children, push back
reasons can include:
1. I just don't want children. Whilst this may
cause arguments with a husband, it justifies the taking of
'contraceptive pills'.
2. I'm infertile due to a medical condition.
This can be problematic if the husband is determined to have
children as so many conditions can now be treated.
3. I've had a miscarriage.
A fake pregnancy
and early miscarriage can be a credible and traumatic excuse, but
if repeated will be problematic if the husband is determined to have
children.
4. We don't want children. If the husband is aware that
his wife is a transwoman, then a lack of children can be put down to
natural misfortune.
In
2015 the
Argentinean model Nicole Ferri
appeared in the short film Panza ('Belly Bump' in English), a
documentary of the true-life story of a young woman who was
faking being pregnant in order to get the attention of a
bank security guard, but was then shot when the bank was
robbed. Nicole is
shown using pillows to create a baby bump and whilst a subtitle
makes clear that she's an actress, it's not stated that she is a pre-SRS transwoman.
This documentary is presumably the source of
re-occurring claims that
Nicole is a mother. |
Women Incorrectly Outed
The spotlight of even modest fame and publicity is
fatal for most transwomen attempting
to go stealth. It
quickly out's most transwomen, even if they later claim that
they weren't really trying to go stealth.
Many more (from Caroline Cossey to Harisu to Nikkie de Jager)
realise that they are about to out'ed and pre-empt this publicly.
There are also a few transwomen such as Teddy Quinlivan, Sophia Hutchins,
Tatjana Wiedemann and Marie France who chose to out themselves as transgender
after years of successfully passing as a woman. This may
still leave some
well know women who have successfully concealed being transgender,
but it's unlikely that many would be considered an A or B list
celebrity.
Conversely, some genetic cis-women celebrities have been incorrectly outed as being transgender. In
some cases this is undoubtedly
deliberate "false news" aimed either harming the recipient in some
way or raising the profile of the poster.

Attorney, author and commentator
Ann Coulter.
Her Adams Apple is oft quoted as evidence that she is
transgender. |
One example is the popular
American political pundit
Ann Coulter. In 2005 there began a determined attempt to expose her as a transsexual woman, or
perhaps a
suffer of AIS.
A leading speculation claimed that she was
born Arthur Coltrane in Georgia (USA) and had SRS in Denmark as a
teenager. A host of circumstantial evidence was offered to
prove that she was once "male", e.g. that she is: 6ft tall; has brow
ridges; an Adams Apple; big hands; big feet; has not been forthcoming
with her childhood records; her age varies oddly in interviews; and
her birth certificate has never been published. However, many years of determined
investigation ultimately failed to provide any strong evidence that
Ann is transgender (e.g. photos of her as a boy), if she is actually a
transsexual then she has taken going 'stealth' to an impressive
depth.
.
Lady Gaga with a penis in her panties? Almost certainly not
- it's probably a large clitoris inflated by blood during the stress and
hormonal surges of the concert. |
In December 2008
photos of pop singer Lady Gaga during a concert were posted on the internet
that appeared to show the outline of a penis, leading to suggestions that she
was a pre-op transsexual woman or hermaphrodite. However, the
far more likely explanations are that she had a sanitary pad in her
pants, or that she has an unusually large clitoris and
was sexually aroused at the time of the photos. Lady Gaga
then stoked the speculation
that she
transgender for over a year - all publicity is good publicity!
In 2010 she appeared
in a very revealing music video (Bad Romance) apparently aimed at
proving that she didn't have a penis, and another video (Telephone)
made fun of the idea. This ended the debate - except for some
who believe
that she had belatedly spent some of her fortune on radical feminisation surgery
of her bottom genitalia.
Another singer-musician claimed to be a transsexual
is Avril Lavigne, very oddly due to her brother (Matt). He
said in 2015 that when their mother (Judy) became pregnant with Avril, their
violent father insisted that it must be a daughter. The new
born baby was unfortunately a boy but Judy dressed and brought up Avril
as a girl, eventually even giving her female hormones. This improbable story
is supported by
some circumstantial evidence:

Avril Lavigne
|
-
Avril tends to be tomboyish in appearance when
dressed casually
-
Avril reached the age of 35 with no children
from two marriages and several serious relationships
-
Her short height (5ft 2in) is actually compatible with taking
excessively large dosages of oestrogen hormones at a young age
-
The length of her fingers are more typical of a
genetically XY male than a XX female
-
She has had extensive plastic surgery, aka
facial feminisation surgery. Her
nose, chin and jaw line have all changed compared to a more robust appearance in
her early teens
-
Before
having breast augmentation, Avril posed
topless for several photo shoots and her small breasts with small
areola, were typical of a young transwoman

When 'Annika' started
posting on social media it was soon suggested that she
was a
transwoman. But this was never proven. |
Nevertheless, it seems very unlikely that Avril is
transgender given that the validity of her marriages was never
challenged, and that her other intimate partners have never sold a
story to the media. The story had died by 2018.
The most notorious example of a genetically XX woman being mistakenly
outed as a transwoman is Miss France 2001 -
Elodie
Gossuin. Since then there
have been numerous instances of CIS-women posting photo's of
themselves online using social media, and receiving an unfair
comment along the lines "she looks like a trannie".
Stealth
- My Experience
After
I transitioned I tried to avoid telling people about my past, but I
found that sometimes I had to admit to my male past, or I was asked revealing questions, or I was simply "outed".
Thus an ever growing number of people got to know - my family, my
doctor, my bank, my closest friends, my boss, my work colleagues,
their acquaintances, .... .

Unfortunately
many transwomen give themselves away with silly and careless
mistakes, particularly when tired or after a drink. I've
made mistakes that have had me cringing and worried for days. |
Nevertheless, I was
(and still am) uncomfortable about people knowing and talking about my past,
which was rapidly becoming distant and irrelevant to me.
Ideally, I would
like to go deep "stealth" and live completely as woman
without anyone knowing my past, but while this is an appealing prospect
in many ways, it would also be extremely difficult to achieve.
Going stealthy to that extreme would imply me being absolutely
convincing as a woman at all times, have no contact with people
(including family) who know me otherwise, and destroy all evidence
(photo's, school reports, references, letters...), of my previous
incarnation. It would also mean fabricating a complete and
believable past (including girlhood) covering the time before I
transitioned, obtaining all the essential supporting documentation,
and then completely and utterly maintaining the story at all
times. I would also have to somehow remove all evidence of
myself from the Internet. Over the last few years a dozen or
more girls have asked me for whatever reason to remove their photos and information from this website,
but despite the clearly determined efforts of some, it was a simple
exercise to disprove the possibility that all evidence of
their transsexuality had really gone from the web.

Asian transsexual women such as
Makiko Tsutsui (a minor TV celebrity in Japan) tend to be remarkably
passable in western eyes because
of their small
stature and light build, often greatly assisted by early
transition, - although sometimes less so to their fellow
nationals. |
When I transitioned as a woman in my
mid-30's, I was under constant pressure from uninitiated [and married]
friends and acquaintances to marry my increasingly long-term boyfriend.
By the time we did tie the knot (overcoming a mass of legal and
religious hurdles), I was in my late 30's. I then faced intense
pressure to have children - hints and reminders that my biological clock was
ticking and that I should have children before it was too late were
constant. In some countries this would not be a big problem, but
in parts of Ireland it's still unusual. Barring some dramatic
medical development this was clearly impossible,
and for a while I toyed with the idea of having a fake pregnancy and
miscarriage!
A few personal
experiences of how hard stealth is
to achieve:
A few months after I transitioned, I had
my car stolen by 'Joy Riders'. The car was recovered the next
day but the Police got confused after comparing their records with
documents that they had found in the car. They made checks and called me in for a very embarrassing interview
before I could reclaim it.
Ten months after I transitioned and
pre-SRS, the company I was working for sent me
to visit their Agents in the
Arabian Gulf. Unfortunately my passport was still "male" and upon arrival
at the airport late at night I aroused suspicions when I reached the
Customs Area. I was strip searched and
every item in my baggage examined. I then had to wait two hours wearing
only panties (no bra) until their Chief finally arrived at 3:00 a.m. to
approve my release - apologetic but with a big smile on his face.
About 18 months after my transition I visited my
Mum and went out to get some groceries. I was shocked when a
shop assistant recognised me - we had been in the same class at
school. Actually I'm still amazed, she hadn't seen me for well over
10 years and I was trying to pass as a woman!
During the 1980's I
worked at a University for several years and became slightly acquainted with
the young wife of one of the lecturers. In 2002 I was
surprised to get an email from her - she had recognised me in some
photos posted online and revealed that she was also transgender.
Deep
stealth is undoubtedly living the "big lie", and while a few
girls may manage to carry it off, it is still perhaps too great a
challenge for me. But I am seeking a compromise degree of
"stealth" in my normal daily life, and with time and
experience (i.e. age!) and new documentation behind me, I'm now near
finding it.
A
Survey
The
Connectivity newsletter of FORGE
(For Ourselves: Reworking Gender Expression), a male-to-female support
organisation, conducted a survey
about the extent to which its members felt that they were perceived
(or out'ed) as male or female, and the associated context.
I've taken the liberty of summarising the report as follows:
1 = Male by everyone, 5 = Female by everyone.
|
1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
Employment |
25% |
8% |
41% |
10% |
12% |
School |
15% |
2% |
7% |
12% |
2% |
Family |
5% |
8% |
3% |
22% |
58% |
Social Clubs |
14% |
2% |
29% |
22% |
25% |
Acquaintances |
17% |
12% |
29% |
25% |
10% |
Friends |
2% |
14% |
10% |
19% |
53% |
Note: The totals don't add to 100%,
particularly for 'School', the survey says "Figures
for those out at school are too small to analyze."
Presumably the gap reflects where no response was selected.
Unsurprisingly a majority of participants
felt that they could pass as female with friends and family,
but very few were confident of this at work or with
acquaintances. Excluding 'School', just 10% of
respondents that they could pass as female in all
situations, and this was probably an exaggeration.
Many transwomen convince themselves that they can pass until
a traumatic event proves otherwise. As noted several
time elsewhere on this site, passability is brutally age
dependent - whilst many teenage transgirls can pass easily
with just hormones, transwomen in their 20's, 30's and beyond
rely increasingly heavily on feminising surgery and the
reality is that a majority will never consistently pass
successfully.

The "Can I Pass?" Quiz

Two Brazilian shemales. who are very passable, if you ignore
their lower genital areas (pixalated). |
I've
seen several quizzes on the Internet about "passing".
Unfortunately, these seem to be mostly concerned with transvestites
attempting occasional passing in public, so I thought I would have a
go myself at a quiz for pre-transition, adult (age 18 or older),
transsexual women who are considering going full time. The quiz
is designed to give some indication of the chances of being quickly
"read", it gives less indication about the chances of
passing long-term when many other factors come in to play.
This
quiz is primarily intended to be for fun, but also a little
thought provoking for pre-transition girls. Please don't take it
too seriously and shoot me down in flames, but I do welcome
constructive feedback and
suggestions that will help me refine it.
It
you really want to try the quiz, it's here.
|